Did They Know?

When we think of the Christmas story, we usually think of main characters: Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Shepherds, Magi, and Angels. Our pastor spoke of this tonight, as sermons have been brought and songs have been sung from the own personal perspective of each of these. If you were with our youth group this past week, you would have heard a message on Herod, another individual who we read about here. Yet as I was reading along tonight, I found an additional group of people whose story is briefly mentioned among the Scriptures in Matthew 2. They might not even be considered minor characters- the mothers and fathers of the babies killed at Herod's command. This part of the story is pivotal, for with this decree we learn of the angel's appearance to Joseph, warning him to escape to Egypt with Mary and Jesus, thus fulfilling another prophecy surrounding Jesus' birth (Hosea 11:1). We know Herod ordered that all baby boys, who were two years and under, to be killed. From my understanding, the time frame that the Magi found Jesus would have been much longer than a few days. Herod's order was to cover all those who could've been born within whatever time that was, those he saw as a threat to his kingdom. 
The time issue is not my point. As I was reading these passages, it occurred to me that first of all, it is in the Word for a reason. We may not know all of those reasons. But as I read, I like to put myself in the place of those I'm reading about, and try to imagine how they felt. So, how did these mothers feel? Another prophecy is fulfilled as we read in verse 18: "A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning. Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted because they are no more."
But as I read this, I fast-forward myself, as if I were one of those specific mothers, to thirty or so years later. 
I wonder, when He came on the scene, when they heard of Him, of His miracles, His teachings, His compassion- did they think about their own sons who would've been His age? Did they know how He had escaped death as a baby? Did they question why? I wonder, when He made His triumphal entry to Jerusalem, a neighboring city to Bethlehem, did they know it was Him? Did they know that He was that baby, born around the same time that their own was born?  No, there's no comparison to those baby boys, and Jesus, other than their ages. He was God, and there was a plan.

But, did these mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers hear the story of the Samaritan woman, how she tried to fill the void in her life with other men- until she met that Man? Did they hear of how He calmed the storms, while they may have still been drowning in their own grief? Did they hear of the healing of the blind and lame, and long for their hearts to be healed of their loss? Did they stand from a distance, and gaze to the cross, seeing His mother cry as she watched her own Son die? If they did, then surely they heard the news of His resurrection. Perhaps they were even among those who saw Him. And in Him, the One Who, if things had been different, would've grown up and played with their own children- in Him, they saw hope. Maybe they trusted in His words, His grace, and allowed it to heal the hurt they had carried for so long. Maybe.

We don't get to know how the story of these "minor characters" ends. But when we look at the Christmas story, we are somewhat like them. No, our specific names are not written in Scripture (Well, unless your mama gave you a Bible name!) But, we can find ourselves there. Whether you are like these who lost precious babies, or like the woman at the well who keeps trying to find satisfaction in the wrong things- or you are caught in the storm, and about to go under.  Yes, we find ourselves in Scripture when He says, "Whoever believes on Him"(Jn. 3:16), "Peace I give you" (Jn.14:27), "They may have life more abundantly" (Jn. 10:10), "You will know the truth and the truth will set you free" (Jn 8:32).

Do you know that He's the One, the King, the Prince of Peace, Emmanuel, The Living Water, The Calmer of your storm, the Comforter?

This Christmas season, look to that Baby, who is our Savior that came to bring peace and hope to wherever you find yourself today. 

First Time for Everything

It's been a minute since I've last blogged. I guess it's because of life happening and just being busy-along with the fact that I always have 50 things running through my head, and don't take the time to just focus on one. It's hard to do when there's thoughts of  to-do lists and places to be, my husband, my children, my job, just day to day life in general.....You know how it is. Then there's just times when I can't really find the words for what I want to say. And if I don't make notes in that handy-dandy app on my phone, I have a tendency to forget. So this post is a combination of the two.
I was recently asked to sing at a funeral. This was a first for me. I wasn't sure what I would sing- I really only had one or two funeral song tracks. Then when they called back, their first song choice was one of those tracks I had.
This situation was also a little different for me, because I did not know this dear lady who had passed away. I suppose that may make it easier to sing at someone's funeral. I can't imagine trying to make it through a song for a funeral of someone I know well.
Listening to the pastor, I could tell this lady was very special. I thought as I sat there, that I sure would've liked to have known her. Then he went on to say how she's not suffering anymore, and if you were to ask her, she would say that the pain and hurt didn't matter, and it all made sense now. Tears were in my eyes at this point. 

As always, the holidays can be difficult. I think of so many who have to face the upcoming weeks of "firsts." The first Christmas without their son, daughter, husband or wife, parent, or grandparent. Every little part of the holidays, or even that entire first year is so hard. It's almost as if you can't breathe. You attend the events, the get-togethers, the church services-all with tear filled eyes. For the most part, others tiptoe around your grief. 
This year makes the 10th Christmas without Pruitt- and the 28th without my grandmother, who passed away suddenly on Christmas Eve when I was 13. It's not as hard as that first year, but holidays bring things back.
As I thought about that sweet lady's funeral, and how it was said of her that she would now say "It all makes sense now," I thought of my own sadness, along with countless others. I know those of you who are experiencing a "first" this year- or even a second or third year- you may not see how it will all make sense. No matter how long it's been, we really won't know until eternity. A line in the song I sang at the funeral says, "The shadows disappear, and my faith shall be my eyes." Finally, one day, our faith will be made sight. It will all make sense then. 
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18
Even as I write this and think about comparing our suffering to the glory ahead, I feel almost ashamed to even use the word suffering when talking about my own experience when so many are truly suffering in our world. In light of recent events, persecution and turmoil, my storm seems small in comparison. Yet even so, I know that God is just as concerned about you and I as He is the rest of the world. I was reminded of that in this morning's sermon. He wants me. He loves me. He loves you. He knows how hard this upcoming "first" will be. He understands, because He experienced a first when He sent His Son to die.

A few weeks ago we were at the Cross Country state meet. I've blogged about the sport before, and I love the lessons I learn through it. I'm sure I'd learn them in a more personal way if I took up running myself......hmmm, there's a first time for everything, right? :)
As we watched our girls line up to race, I overheard a lady shout to whomever she was cheering for. This is what she said: "Run hard; I'll be waiting for you."
She would be waiting at the finish line.

Our loved ones who have gone to be with the Lord could say that to us today, but more than that, the Lord Himself says that. "Run hard, my child. I'll be waiting for you." Yes, Holy Spirit is with us now. But one day, we will see Him. Our faith will be made sight. And like that precious lady, we will say our suffering was worth it, it all makes sense now. Although it may be your first Christmas without them, it's their first with Him. Faith turned to sight. 

If you are running your race of firsts this Christmas, it's okay to cry at the gatherings and it's okay to laugh if you find yourself watching "Home Alone" or "Christmas Vacation." It's okay to skip the Christmas Eve service or let the tears fall through the entire thing. It's okay to hang that stocking again. It's okay to say their name, and share the memories.
My heart hurts for you and my eyes fill with tears even now because I remember. But know that Emmanuel, God with us, is there. He gives grace for the firsts. He knows your hurt, and that you may not see how it'll ever be worth it or make sense. 

And if you can't run hard, then crawl to His arms and be held by the Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace, Mighty God, the Everlasting Father. There you'll find that this first time won't be the last time. And you will find Him faithful every time.

The Spider Part 2

"What if we kill the spider?"

Why didn't that thought occur to me when I ventured out that night in the dark to take photos of the one caught? 
Yeah, I thought about saving the lightning bug- after it was too late. But it never crossed my mind to kill the enemy.
And because I didn't, here is the result:

Spider has been busy.

Not just one egg sac.

Three.

And one is hatching.

(BTW, notice the Halloween decor. It's cheap).

This picture is from a couple of days ago. Even more have hatched out since. 

And Spider is still busy. Earlier, I checked on her and it appeared she was continuing to work. I know that some spiders die after they lay eggs. Others leave their young to fend for themselves.

That's just like the enemy.

He gets us where he wants us, traps us, then leaves us with ruined lives and feeling like we are alone with no where to go.

But another part of this story that stood out to me, is that this spider has reproduced A LOT of young to follow after it. 

If only I had killed the spider........

Now, before any of you animal lovers- (like people who bring their pet snakes to Walmart- sorry, that's another blog), but before you get in a frenzy- I know that spiders do good. They kill bugs that eat up our gardens and all that- but for the sake of the illustration, 

KILL THE SPIDERS!

Just kill it. Put it to death.

Colossians 3:5-8The Message (MSG)

^5-8 And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That’s a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God. It’s because of this kind of thing that God is about to explode in anger. It wasn’t long ago that you were doing all that stuff and not knowing any better. But you know better now, so make sure it’s all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk.

Here's another:

Hebrews 12:1-3New International Version (NIV)

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.

Hear me when I say this. I am that lightning bug. I have baby spiders that have hatched in my life because I did not kill the source of it when I should have. 

This morning, on my way to school, I turned the radio off and was praying. I was asking God to forgive me for being lukewarm. Then tonight, I went to see "War Room." Before it started, I silently prayed that the Lord would speak specifically to me, and several times it was mentioned being lukewarm.

I don't want that anymore. 

The things that so easily entangle me, and you perhaps, have to go if we want to be victorious in our walk with Christ. It was said in the movie, "Look at what the enemy is doing, and then put a plan in place to fight against it"

Look at where he is spinning the webs in our life. What traps are set around us? Look to see what baby spiders of sin have reproduced in us- even carried over in our families lives. 

It may be something that seems like a small web. But it may be just sticky enough that it ensnares us, and keeps us from shining as brightly as we need to.

The only way to kill the enemy is through the Word of God. The "Spider" knows his time is coming. He will die. Actually, he's already been defeated. All he can do is make us ineffective the same way other spiders do- setting traps and catching us so that we either don't shine brightly anymore or feel so defeated because we got caught.

Let's not listen to the lies anymore. We have a Rescuer Who

 has overcome. 

Psalm 31:4- Keep me free from the trap that is set for me,  for you are my refuge.

Lastly, if you are like I was this summer, and watched from a distance the one caught, reflect on this verse.  

2 Timothy 2:26- God’s servant must not be argumentative, but a gentle listener and a teacher who keeps cool, working firmly but patiently with those who refuse to obey. You never know how or when God might sober them up with a change of heart and a turning to the truth, enabling them to escape the Devil’s trap, where they are caught and held captive, forced to run his errands.

We all were trapped at some point. Some willfully get caught in the webs. This verse is full of hope. God is still turning hearts to His truth. He is still setting captives free. 

Grace, grace, God's grace; grace that is greater than all our sin.

Epilogue:
The spider is still in my window, along with it's enormous web and egg sacks. A small moth was venturing close, as Miss Spider reached for it. The moth got away, for now. I'm sure she sees the light from my kitchen window, and just wants to be near it. 
Will there be a part 3? Perhaps.
Watch for the webs, my friends. And snakes in Walmart.

The Spider Part 1

If you looked out my kitchen window, it would appear that I was decorating for Halloween a bit early. On the outside, (and maybe on the inside a little!), you will find a fairly massive spider web. It's not one of the pretty ones, like Charlotte's. Instead, it seems there is no rhyme or reason to it's creator's design. I've learned a little about spiders since teaching first grade. Not all spiders make the same kind of webs. This one seems to be a tangled web, or a cob web. Either way, they all serve a similar purpose: to trap their prey. 
Back in the summer, I was up late one night waiting on Peyton to get home, and as I walked by the window, I saw a little flashing light. It seemed to flash faster than usual for this particular light- one all too familiar on summer nights. It was the light from a "lightning bug." I went closer to the window, and realized it had been caught in the web. Its flash was like a cry for help, perhaps to its other lightning bug friends; or maybe one of pain, for it had been caught.

It's not a great shot, but you get the idea.

Soon, it's light had gone out, and it's captor had won.

I'm sure I was a sight trying to capture these pictures at midnight. But I knew a blog was in there.

So many times, the "Spider" has set a trap for us. And  whether we meant to or not, we often end up caught. I thought about times when myself or another has been caught in a web that we didn't "mean" to find ourselves in. I'm sure the little lightning bug had wished he'd not ventured off that night.

But then, I thought about the times that we see our friends caught (or maybe ourselves), and we are "flashing," crying out for help for someone to rescue us.

Instead of going out and taking pictures of the one "caught in sin," I could've rescued him. Yes, it may have been too late. The venom may have already been injected and maybe nothing else could've been done. Or maybe it wasn't too late.

Maybe he was screaming out "Help me!" as he flashed his light in the darkness. Instead, I take pictures.

How many times do we see others trapped in sin, or tangled up in a mess and instead of helping them, we gossip about it. They may be fighting for their lives. The may be on their last blink. The light may be fading. 

It wasn't long before that light went out, and the firefly was gone. 

That is the enemy's plan. If he can't have our soul, then he tries to take our light. So, he sets a trap. And so easily, we find ourselves all tangled up in it.

I was at my parents not long after this, and my daddy was preaching that Sunday morning. I asked him about his message, and it was about being a light on a hill. I told him about my illustration. 

He ended up using it in the sermon, but added to it. 

He said, "What if we just killed the spider?"

To be continued.....

Just look at it

Compassion: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

A few weeks ago, I saw a book called Miracle on Voodoo Mountain posted on an Instagram page. We were on the way out of town for vacation, so we tracked down a Lifeway and stopped so I could get it to read while traveling. This book is about Haiti, and a girl who sells everything and moves there to minister. 
Haiti, as you know, is dear to my heart, so of course I wanted to read it. 
As I started the first page, I told Jason, "I can already tell, this is gonna make me cry." 
He replied (somewhat sarcastically), "That's your nature; you just buy stuff to make you cry." 
Well, for starters, I got a little miffed so I clammed up as I do when I get "miffed" and just kept reading my book. I will say, he is right. I love a good cry. I love sappy movies and the Hallmark channel and books that pull at my heartstrings. I'm a glutton for punishment when it comes to that stuff!

But I jotted down what he said because it spoke to me.
Yes, I was feeding my emotions a little because I was very sad that I wasn't getting to go on the Haiti trip this year, so the book was my way of still getting to experience a part of a place that means so much to me.

But today, I was reminded of Jason's statement. Here's how:
I just looked at it- "that" video.
We all know Planned Parenthood has been in the news. Last night, I saw yet another post, the one about the fourth video that has come out. I refused to watch it.
Then, this morning, I saw that it had been shared by others. 
So reluctantly, I clicked. 
I watched. 
And I wept.

So many things came to my mind. First, Pruitt- because the doctors suggested we terminate my pregnancy with him.
Then just the horror of seeing what I was seeing.
I just prayed "God have mercy."

And then I was reminded of what Jason had said when I bought the book. "That's your nature," to do or watch or read something that makes me cry.

And here's where God spoke: 
Shouldn't that be your nature?

I looked up the word compassion and it's mentioned 82 times in the Bible. Most of those times, it's speaking of the nature of God. He is compassion. Seven times in the Gospels, it speaks of Jesus being filled or moved with compassion.....
And aren't we supposed to be like Him?

Ephesians 4:32- "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Colossians 3:12 - "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

The definition to compassion is not just love. It says it's a "feeling of deep...sorrow...accompanied by a desire to alleviate the suffering."

We are not compassionate on our own. It has to be a work of Christ in us. But when we stick our heads in the sand, claiming "I just can't do that or watch that, or I just don't want to know," then we can't truly know compassion for something or someone. 
And once we know, we are responsible to do something. 

Reading that book took me back to Haiti, when I couldn't go. It keeps that precious place and those precious people on my heart. 
Having watched the Planned Parenthood video puts those precious babies on my heart. I can't "unsee" that.
I found this verse, in which God is speaking to Jerusalem, but this one stood out to me, in light of the video. 

Ezekiel 16:5- "No one looked on you with pity or had compassion enough to do any of these things for you. Rather, you were thrown out into the open field, for on the day you were born you were despised." 

I don't want to be that person who doesn't see people with compassion, with the eyes of Christ.

Oh, God give me compassion for others! 
As I was writing, this song came on:

Save My Life- Sidewalk Prophets
We've met half a dozen times
I know your name I know you don't know mine
But I won't hold that against you
You come here every Friday night
I take your order and try to be polite
And hide what I've been going through
If you looked me right in the eye
Would see the pain deep inside
Would you take the time to
Tell me what I need to hear
Tell me that I'm not forgotten
Show me there's a God 
Who can be more than all I've ever wanted
‘Cause right now I need a little hope
I need to know that I'm not alone
Maybe God is calling you tonight
To tell me something
That might save my life
 
A popular youtube video has gone around about a guy trying to sell a car. Over and over you hear him saying, "Would you just look at it!" This has become a MUCH overused quote at our house. It was funny for a while- ok, well maybe it still is.

I'm not saying you need to watch the video or read a certain book. Do what God leads you to do. 

But, maybe the next time He does prick my heart and yours to see deeper, we will "just look at it" and be moved with compassion.

Zechariah 7:9- “This is what the Lord Almighty said: ‘Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another.

Mother's Day Thoughts from a Teacher

Mother's Day. So many angles to come from on this holiday. 
There's the blog to the ones who've lost mothers, those who've lost children, those who have no children.
Those who are birth mothers, who have given up their children so that someone else will celebrate this title tomorrow. 
Step-mothers. Grandmothers. Stand-in mothers. Mother-in-laws. 

Tomorrow each of these are honored, celebrated, or thought about.
As a mother of three, two here and one in heaven, I've had no harder, yet greater title. I love mine dearly, but daily learn that while I call them mine, they are really just gifts entrusted to me for the days that God has ordained.

But this blog is not just about them.
It's about the other 20 children I have, and their mothers.

Everyday, five days a week, seven-ish hours a day, for approximately 180 days a year, I am the "other mother."
They expect me to be there. They have so much to tell me. They get mixed up sometimes, and call me "Mama, only to get tickled and say, "I called you mama; I mean Mrs. Marshall." That happens weekly. 
They need me to listen. They ask me to tie their shoes. They want me to put a bandaid on their scrapes. They offer endless hugs, and say things like, "Your the best teacher I never had." (No, that's not a typo.)

They make me laugh. They make me mad. They make me cry.
Just like my own children do.
In fact, I see them more than I see my own children, it seems.

But here's the thing, mother's of my students: They loved you first. 
You held them at birth, looking at amazement into those eyes, and were overcome with wonder and an unnerving sense of responsibility. It was you who were there for 6 years before you ever sent them to me. In those six years, you've most likely done the best you can, as most mothers do. Yes, you've failed, as all mothers do. But, yes, you've succeeded as well. You've fed, changed, clothed, bathed, fed, rocked, read to them, hugged them, taught them. Loved them.

As their teacher, and their "other mother," I too have failed. And had a few successes. I've fed them, hugged them, read to them, taught them, counseled them. Loved them.

We only have nine days left together, and as I am probably more excited than they, I still have a sense of responsibility and regret, as that "second mom." I'm almost out of time, and I wonder, "How much did I teach them? Did I show them that I love them or will they remember my bad days? Have I invested enough? Will they take anything with them as they leave my room, other than a few leftover dull crayons and an unfinished workbook?"

As their "Teacher/Mom" these are the thoughts that fill my mind. In less than two weeks, I'll "release" them back to you, moms. You, their first love, the best mommies. My prayers go with you- because I know you'll need them just as much as I have needed them this year! Just know that I have tried my best to care for yours as I would my own. I've tried to teach them more than just the "ABC's and 1, 2, 3's." I pray that as you mother, you will be strengthened by the Father.
And as you and I struggle through this thing called motherhood, may we always be reminded that they truly are a gift from the Lord. 
Psalms 127:3- Don't you know that children's are God's best gifts? 

As I look at my own, I realize that time is moving quickly. Four years. Six years. It will go by fast, and they will be out own their own. Those same questions haunt me. How much have I invested, taught? On the days when I've been consumed with impatience and frustration, did they see any hint of Jesus in me? What will they remember?
Teacher. Mother.
Probably the hardest two jobs on the planet.
Possibly the most rewarding. 

So, mothers of my students. "Happy Mother's Day." 
One of your kids told me these words as he was getting ready to walk out the door Friday. It brought tears to my eyes. Just one of the rewards.

To my own children's teachers, thank you for being that "other mother."

To all those who fit in the "other" blogs that have probably been written about you this weekend, please know you (we) are not forgotten. As God saw Hagar in the Old Testament, He is the God who sees you (us) as well.
I pray tomorrow He holds you and gives you mercies new.

Great is Thy Faithfulness

Sunday morning I got a text from my "go-to" guitar player that simply said, "Out came the Son. Just a reminder."
At first, I wondered if he was "reminding" me of that for a specific reason. I texted back, and he said, no, just a reminder.
You'd think that would be something that I wouldn't need reminding of....... 

But even still, after literal and figural cloudy days, it's always good to stop to remember that the "Son" does come back out.

Later, at church, as the worship service flowed, so did my tears. You see, we began singing "Great Is Thy Faithfulness." At first, they old hymn version, then a praise chorus version. The tears didn't come right away, even as precious and meaningful as the song is to me. If you know my Pruitt story, you know why. If not, just ask; I'd be glad to share :)

Anyway...
My heart gave way, as did the tears, when I began to look out into the congregation from the choir loft.

There I found these faces:

A young widow. An older widow.
A young couple still coping with loss through a miscarriage.
A cancer survivor. 
Children who come to church without parents. 
Parents who come to church without their children.
A young girl who lost her mother and is learning to live alone. 
One who has faced abuse. 
A widower.
Single parents.
Married couples. 
Those who have faced infertility.

Then I saw countless saints, those who have walked with the Lord for many years.

I thought of each of these. I looked at their faces. We sang, "Oh how great is thy faithfulness; Lord, You are faithful to me." And I cried.

I cried bittersweet tears as I thought about the faithfulness that I know God must have shown them in each of these situations, the mercies that He's given daily to meet them where they are in their pain or struggle.

Those precious, older souls.....I wished that I could have sat down with them to hear their stories of God's goodness and faithfulness in their lives. What a book we could write on that!

Of course, I thought about myself and God's constant faithfulness to me. In the very worst days of my life, and in the normal day to days of my life. 

His grace on the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days.
When you lose the job, lose a loved one, lose a home, lose your health to a diagnosis.

Or on the days when the car won't start, the dog got out, the coffee spills all over your car seat.
When you get stuck by the train.
When you're potty training.
When the kids are fighting. 
When you fail a class.
When he breaks your heart.
When the bills are due.

When it looks like the rain won't stop.

I was honored to get to speak in chapel last week at the school I attended 3rd-12th grade.
I shared with 7-12th grade first; then the elementary students.

During my time with the younger ones, we sang the Itsy Bitsy Spider. I reminded them that the song didn't end with the line "down came the rain and washed the spider out."

No. That's not the end. Eventually, "Out came the sun and dried up all the rain."

So whatever you are going through, remember that.
This isn't the end. Yes, yes, yes- it may be  is hard. 
I know.

But look for the "Son" in the midst of it. And when you see Him, sing out, "Great is thy faithfulness, Great is thy faithfulness; morning by morning new mercies I see." 

And then go tell someone your story.

"Out came the Son. Just a reminder."

Psalms 89:1
I will sing of the Lord's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations."

Wait Till You See How It Ends

I absolutely LOVE a good book or movie-especially with a plot twist. You know the ones: The Game with Michael Douglas and Sean Penn or The Village by M. Night Shyamalan. What about The Sixth Sense? Or maybe one of those girly movies (that I also love!) where after all the ups and downs and disappointments, the guy does get the girl. Then there's those books I love, like one of my favorites by Ted Dekker called Three. You'll just have to read it- I'm not giving it away.

What I love more is watching the movie a second time, with someone else who is seeing it for the first time. Or giving them the book after I've read it. The excitement is almost too much to take! I can't wait until they get the the end! And I hate spoilers, so there's no way I'm going to ruin the surprise! I just want them to finish so we can talk about it!

Yesterday, as I was flipping channels, I found The Passion of the Christ of television.  I've seen it before, but kept it on the channel for a while. Peyton came in, watched a little, then changed the station. I left the room, and came back to find him watching it again.
We didn't finish the movie, but as it was playing, this thought occurred to me: "Wait till you see how this ends!"

It is a hard movie to watch, seeing with not only our eyes but also our hearts, what Christ did for us, and how much pain He took on for us.  Then just when it looks like death had won, Jesus is resurrected! But even when you get to the end of that movie, it's still not THE END!
When He returns to take us home, it's still not over- that is just the beginning!

I also thought about all the suffering and pain that we go through. SO MANY are enduring things tonight that bring hurt, heartache, and what appears to be defeat.
Addictions, death, a diagnosis, loss, fears, failures, destruction, unfaithfulness, exhaustion...we both know the list is endless.

BUT WAIT. 
Just wait till you see how this ends. 
Don't give up.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. You can face tomorrow. 
I know it's a song many may sing, tomorrow, in fact.

But it's more than a song. It's TRUTH. 

Spoiler Alert!
Christ overcame death. Defeated death. Punched death in the face. He squashed death under His foot. 
OH! Death, where is your sting?

Because of this, we have HOPE.
And because of that hope, just wait till you see how this thing ends. 

Not Gray: It's black or white.

Part of this will be a re-post from a couple of years ago.

I debated again about writing about this. I mean- there's been ump-teen (is that even how you spell that?) articles posted about the 50 Shades movie. All that I have read have been well written, and follow my thoughts about it- So why write one more?

Here's why.
I read on a page tonight, posted by a teen, of how she needed a "Christian Gray" in her life. WHAT!!??
MY. HEART. SANK.

What on earth? How is it that this is the model of what a young (very young) woman would want in a man?  I haven't read the book- but I've read enough about it to know that he is not what a godly man looks like. Is he even what a good man looks like? 

But here's my problem, in context of this situation.
Moms, aunts,  young women, older women,  those of us who can be mentors to our teen girls- what message are you and I sending to them when we condone, and participate in movies and books as such- and play it off as entertainment?

I will be the first to admit there have been things that I should not have watched. I'll also tell you that unfortunately those images are burned in my mind to this day.

I will also confess- wonder if I'm alone- that even as messed up as the movie is, there is a temptation that calls out to me when I see the previews. It is designed to lure us in. Even if for some reason there was someone who had no clue what the movie was about, the trailer stirs within you a desire to want to know. No, I don't want to see it, nor will I see it. That doesn't remove the whisper of the darkness though.  The whisper is so real, that the other night I dreamed I went to see the movie.
It's infiltrated my sleep. But that is the way the darkness works. It gets in our head. It parades as light, as entertainment. It begins with temptation, then sin, and eventually death. "But each person is tempted when he is drawn away and enticed by his own evil desires. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and when sin is fully grown, it gives birth to death." James 1:14-15

Back to my original debate- our young girls. It is hard enough to try to live a godly life as an adult. Try being fifteen. Look at what society tells them is normal, natural. Worse than that, when my first graders are using words like "sexy" and "humping," I know we are way off from what morality and our homes should look like. And now, for some reason not just women, but also teenage girls have the idea that they need a "love" in the form of Christian Gray.

Oh, we need Jesus.

I need Jesus, everyday.

Ladies- and men, if it applies- what message are you sending to those who are looking up to you? To those who are watching what you do and say? I promise, they are looking and listening.

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Here's the repost:

A few nights ago, I woke myself up from a nightmare. If you know me very well, you'll know I have weird dreams. So, this night was like most, only I rarely have nightmares. I was dreaming that I was driving into some camp-like setting. Next thing I remember, we're at a pond at my parents. There's a tree growing by the the pond, a dirt hill, and more water on the other side of the hill. Coming up beside the tree is a python- a big one.  This particular python was swallowing a raccoon, if I remember correctly. I ran, needless to say, as it crossed over the hill, to the other side of the water. There, my daddy and I were standing on the edge, where some roots or something "snaky looking" was also in the water. There was another snake nearby. Then, the scary part- Presley was in the water; she was very little in my dream. The next thing I remember, she went down behind the roots, and before I finally woke up, I was trying to scream to my daddy, "Go get her! Go get her!" I knew that snake was headed in her direction.
I woke myself and Jason up, as I was making that noise. As I was in the middle of waking/dreaming, I remember trying to get my daddy to get her, only it was as if I had my mouth taped. I couldn't get the words out, and he couldn't understand what I was saying.


Before I get to the rest of this blog, let me start by saying I have often thought certain "snakes" were just "sticks." There have been plenty of times where something seemed harmless and I picked it up, only to realize later I'd been bitten. That is just how the snake, the devil, works. So, guilty I am. I've held the snake of bitterness, pride, jealously, lust, envy, slander, gossip..........when Satan had made them only look like harmless, lifeless sticks........I've got no stones to throw. But, if someone saw a snake about to come after me, bite me or begin to wrap around me, I would hope they would hear someone screaming, "Go get her!" like I was in my dream.

I have been very concerned over the summer's rage in books and movies. Even as I type, I have mixed feelings of how to convey my feelings yet not come across judgmental. I feel these are just some of the tools Satan uses. He parades around as light, but his goal is to steal, kill and destroy. We justify so much, thinking it doesn't affect us.
I asked, "How do we balance not sounding judgmental, yet hold ourselves and others up to the standards to which we are called?" Are we just "fans" of Christ, or "followers?"

These are hard questions I'm having to ask myself.

The Lord has convicted me of some of these "grey" areas, but really, there are no grey areas.
It's either darkness or light- those are not my Words.

I pray that God would put those people in my life, who will "come get me" when they see that I may be near a snake and not realize it. OR, when I'm near a snake and I DO realize it.

I pray for the love of God to help me "go get others" in danger.

"In reality just about anywhere you go in dense tropical habitats, there are many many snakes around you. But how often do you actually see the snakes? They are difficult to see because most snakes are "sit and wait" predators but also because they have great markings to help them hide from predators and prey." - thewildclassroom.com

To That Child.......

To that child.....

The one that is full of energy and enthusiasm. I wish I could bottle it up and sell it- we would be rich together. Your zest and zeal for life knows no end. I'm sure when you fall asleep at night your body quietly says, "thank you." Your mama probably does too. Yes, it sometimes is exhausting. But when I catch the spark in your eye, and the smile on your face, I can't help but smile back and think of how you might change the world with that fervor. 
I envy you.

To that child....
That one that never talks. Sometimes I wonder why? Is it because you are simply shy? Reserved? A wallflower? A rule-follower, afraid of getting in trouble? Or is you mind so full of anxieties, lost in a world of its own? Maybe there's so much you have seen, yet you are too afraid to voice it, for you know then it becomes even more truth over your life. 
I wish you would talk to me, tell me all the reasons why. 
I am a great listener.

To that child....
The attention seeker. You are demanding of my every minute. You long to be seen, and will do whatever it takes for my eyes to be on you. If you had it your way, you'd probably be okay to be the only one in my class. You might be the star of your family, the entertainer, the show-stopper. Others like you may defy every "rule" in place, simply because you want to be noticed. Because maybe that's the only way you are noticed at home. It took me a long time to understand you, and even still, I don't. Why would you act out, knowing there are consequences? Yet, I've found myself in that same place before. Longing for attention, from someone that I can trust, who loves me. I relate to you.
You, too are a star. Shine bright!

To that child...
The one with baggage, too much baggage in your six years. I never know how you may respond to things. Sometimes you cry, sometimes you put up a wall. Sometimes you tell me about all that stuff you carry around, a burden that you don't even realize is heavy yet. Your tears may fall as I tell you I love you. Or you may just look at me, not sure if you can really believe me, for love looks strange to you- and others have failed you, those you thought loved you. Your world is unstable. You may not know where your next meal will come from. You may fall asleep in class because of what went on the night before. Or you may tell me you love me too, because you long for someone to be able to say that to, and know it's reciprocal. You don't have to carry those bags by yourself. 
I ache for you.

To that child...
The defiant one. I have wondered what happened? What took place that brought on so much anger inside you already? How have you felt wronged so much in your short life that you are ready to take on the world with fists flying? I try to see past the rage and resentment to a place deep inside you, a place crying out for help. You don't even know that you need help, but with me in your corner, maybe we can break through-bring you to a place where you can allow that same fight in you to be used for good. Then you really can take on the world. 
I have hope for you.

To that child...
The one with insecurities. You double check. You feel like you have to compete. You struggle. You think you can't succeed. You compare yourself to others, and fail to see the strength inside. Instead, you listen to the voices of the enemy spoken through other's tongues. You feel you have no purpose.
You hear Failure. Ugly. Poor. Inadequate. Dumb. I say you are Successful. Beautiful. Rich. Enough. A Genius. There is a plan for your life. Don't listen to the lies.
I have been you.

To all of you-
If I were being honest, you are what makes me want to quit some days. And yet, you are the very thing that won't let me. You are what keep me coming back. Not Math. Not Reading. Not the paycheck. Not summer break (although, I do like that part.)

Every year, the struggle is real over whether or not I'll be back the next August. 
Even tonight, I wonder this. How much longer can I do this? It is EXHAUSTING. I don't know how to be all things to all these little ones. 
But, I try. Sometimes I succeed, and many days I fail.


We will struggle together. We will fight together. We will be quiet together. I'll carry your burdens in my heart. We will strive to be stars- to shine brightly. And on days when the serpent of insecurity rears its ugly head in my own life, I'll remember that it's just a lie. I'll remember that I have a purpose. A purpose to point you to the True Star, the One that loves you, baggage and all, the One who knows the thoughts of your heart that you never voice; the One that has already taken on the world for you and won; The One that will dry all your tears, and is a Father to the fatherless. 

So, for this chapter, this year in your life called "First Grade," and this season in my life, you are my purpose.
You are why I'll be there tomorrow.