First Time for Everything

It's been a minute since I've last blogged. I guess it's because of life happening and just being busy-along with the fact that I always have 50 things running through my head, and don't take the time to just focus on one. It's hard to do when there's thoughts of  to-do lists and places to be, my husband, my children, my job, just day to day life in general.....You know how it is. Then there's just times when I can't really find the words for what I want to say. And if I don't make notes in that handy-dandy app on my phone, I have a tendency to forget. So this post is a combination of the two.
I was recently asked to sing at a funeral. This was a first for me. I wasn't sure what I would sing- I really only had one or two funeral song tracks. Then when they called back, their first song choice was one of those tracks I had.
This situation was also a little different for me, because I did not know this dear lady who had passed away. I suppose that may make it easier to sing at someone's funeral. I can't imagine trying to make it through a song for a funeral of someone I know well.
Listening to the pastor, I could tell this lady was very special. I thought as I sat there, that I sure would've liked to have known her. Then he went on to say how she's not suffering anymore, and if you were to ask her, she would say that the pain and hurt didn't matter, and it all made sense now. Tears were in my eyes at this point. 

As always, the holidays can be difficult. I think of so many who have to face the upcoming weeks of "firsts." The first Christmas without their son, daughter, husband or wife, parent, or grandparent. Every little part of the holidays, or even that entire first year is so hard. It's almost as if you can't breathe. You attend the events, the get-togethers, the church services-all with tear filled eyes. For the most part, others tiptoe around your grief. 
This year makes the 10th Christmas without Pruitt- and the 28th without my grandmother, who passed away suddenly on Christmas Eve when I was 13. It's not as hard as that first year, but holidays bring things back.
As I thought about that sweet lady's funeral, and how it was said of her that she would now say "It all makes sense now," I thought of my own sadness, along with countless others. I know those of you who are experiencing a "first" this year- or even a second or third year- you may not see how it will all make sense. No matter how long it's been, we really won't know until eternity. A line in the song I sang at the funeral says, "The shadows disappear, and my faith shall be my eyes." Finally, one day, our faith will be made sight. It will all make sense then. 
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18
Even as I write this and think about comparing our suffering to the glory ahead, I feel almost ashamed to even use the word suffering when talking about my own experience when so many are truly suffering in our world. In light of recent events, persecution and turmoil, my storm seems small in comparison. Yet even so, I know that God is just as concerned about you and I as He is the rest of the world. I was reminded of that in this morning's sermon. He wants me. He loves me. He loves you. He knows how hard this upcoming "first" will be. He understands, because He experienced a first when He sent His Son to die.

A few weeks ago we were at the Cross Country state meet. I've blogged about the sport before, and I love the lessons I learn through it. I'm sure I'd learn them in a more personal way if I took up running myself......hmmm, there's a first time for everything, right? :)
As we watched our girls line up to race, I overheard a lady shout to whomever she was cheering for. This is what she said: "Run hard; I'll be waiting for you."
She would be waiting at the finish line.

Our loved ones who have gone to be with the Lord could say that to us today, but more than that, the Lord Himself says that. "Run hard, my child. I'll be waiting for you." Yes, Holy Spirit is with us now. But one day, we will see Him. Our faith will be made sight. And like that precious lady, we will say our suffering was worth it, it all makes sense now. Although it may be your first Christmas without them, it's their first with Him. Faith turned to sight. 

If you are running your race of firsts this Christmas, it's okay to cry at the gatherings and it's okay to laugh if you find yourself watching "Home Alone" or "Christmas Vacation." It's okay to skip the Christmas Eve service or let the tears fall through the entire thing. It's okay to hang that stocking again. It's okay to say their name, and share the memories.
My heart hurts for you and my eyes fill with tears even now because I remember. But know that Emmanuel, God with us, is there. He gives grace for the firsts. He knows your hurt, and that you may not see how it'll ever be worth it or make sense. 

And if you can't run hard, then crawl to His arms and be held by the Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace, Mighty God, the Everlasting Father. There you'll find that this first time won't be the last time. And you will find Him faithful every time.