I've been mulling over this post for over a month, now. Five weeks, to be exact. That's how long it's been since she moved out.
I'm no stranger to an empty room. I've been here before. Walking back into Pruitt's empty nursery may have been the hardest. Everything was left in it's place- except him.
After several weeks, maybe even months- I don't remember exactly- I went back to my Nannie's room, after she left us there on Christmas Eve. I walked back into my Papaw's empty house after he died. I've given the last look several times as we've emptied houses in order to move on to another one. I've set my eyes on the empty pews at church where saints use to worship; I've even been burdened over empty seats at school where students no longer laugh and learn, for various reasons. I've driven by homes where friends once lived, now inhabited by those who are strangers to me. Just recently, I left an empty classroom to fill a new one.
My experience with empty rooms may pale in comparison to some, I'm sure. But I know we could sit and talk and cry together, because we have all been there.
As I looked at Presley's room that day she left, something shifted. I knew it was coming. I actually handled it pretty well. But life changed that day. Life as it had always been now looked different. She wouldn't actually "live" here anymore. Or at least, that's her plan! I know, they do come back sometimes :)
But looking at her empty room emptied something in me. A little piece of my heart sank because I knew she wasn't in the place where she had always been- at home. Yes, she would come back lots of weekends. But everything that was "old and what had been" was now "new and what is."
Presley moving to college is not the point of this post, though.
It's not lost on me the depths of emptiness. While children moving out of the nest is a form of loss, to a degree- and a small type of grief I do think we as parents go though, we do figure out how to navigate the "new and what is." I'm trying, at least!
But I know the pits of emptiness. I've been in some of them.
The empty crib.
The empty house.
The empty bed. The empty chair.
The empty desk. The empty office.
The empty "recent calls" or "text messages."
The empty heart.
We can all relate to one or many. While my losses are somewhat removed from today, they are not removed from my heart. And my heart hurts for so many tonight who are feeling the sting of those empty places that they are walking into. The empty seat they sit beside. The bare closet where the clothes no longer hang. The unoccupied chair at the dinner table. The silent rooms.
Empty- vacant, unoccupied, bare
As I looked at her empty room, I was reminded of another empty place. I was hesitant to write this that weekend, because so much loss had taken place around us during that time. But, it seems there will never be a "good" day to write this message, because we live in a broken world and hearts are breaking everyday.
But there is hope. And breaking hearts need that.
The heading in my Bible before John 20 states, "The Empty Tomb." There we read that Mary, Peter and another disciple (the Bible says the one Jesus loved- most likely John), ran to the tomb, and found it EMPTY. Everything was in its place- the burial cloth, the linen strips- EXCEPT JESUS!!! He was not there!
Friends, that is our hope. Tears come to my eyes as I type, because I know your empty place is raw and fresh and new and devastating; I know the pain seems unbearable. But know that your empty place doesn't have to be empty. It doesn't have to be vacant, unoccupied, or bare. Yes, it feels like it. Yes, it sounds like it. Yes, it most definitely looks like it. But whatever left to make that place empty, know that it can be filled with hope- and we have this hope is because of the EMPTY tomb!!
You're going to cry and scream. You're going to ask why? You will likely have sleepless nights and tears that come out of nowhere. That's ok.
Then fall into His arms. He is faithful to hold you. He gives peace that you cannot understand. His grace reaches into those deep, empty places and lifts you up. Let Him fill your empty heart. Trust in His mercies- He gives it new every morning to carry you in your "new and what is."
