Power Washing

My to-do list today-
Ok, wait, let me back up. I'm not a to-do list person. Personality tests and a good look of things like my closet and drawers, and most days my desk at school, make that pretty clear. But recently I've been challenged to make a list each night of 3-5 important things that I need to accomplish the next day. I have found this task beneficial in trying to adjust to this new normal. But today, I had not done very well in checking off my list. In fact, there wasn't much on it. Not that I don't have plenty I could be doing- I just didn't follow through too well last night with planning for another day. I'm learning that other things take over when I don't have a plan. 

And so it did today, as it turned into a work outside day- not on my list.
I found myself with a brush and some bleach, and ended up on the steps of our front porch. I've looked at them for weeks, months -ok, years. Moss was growing on them, along with little sprigs of grass here and there, even a pretty purple flower had bloomed between cracks, and years of "stuff" covered them like a wallpaper for bricks.
I took my brush and started scrubbing. I was making slow progress, I thought. 
Our neighbor must have noticed my tedious work, and yelled over that they had a pressure washer we could borrow. 
I was somewhat enjoying my scrubbing but my husband agreed to accept the offer and I soon a found a pressure washer in my hands for the very first time. 

Our neighbor said "it's very therapeutic." He was correct. 
His wife said, "You have to get close." Also correct.

I began on the porch. Before my eyes, the transformation began to take place. 
Now for those of you who use one of these often, I'm sure it's no big deal. But to see the difference in the before and after was amazing. And yes, I found that I had to get very close with the nozzle to the source of the grit and grime, in order to make much of a difference.  I could hold it 6-8 inches away, and while it might remove the outer layer of pollen and dirt, it took getting very close-up to really wash it all away. As I moved down - slowly, I might add- to the steps that appeared black, they soon became the orange-reddish color they were meant to be. I should've done this 12 years ago!

Once again, the lesson here was not lost on me,
How often do I just "brush over" the sin in my life? Or maybe I stand at a little bit of a distance, and ask for forgiveness, not really wanting to get close to the real problem. 
But that's were the real cleansing comes. Up close and personal. Jesus gets close to the problem. When healing people, He asked them often, what did they want? He also often reached out and touched them. But both required them to admit what they needed, and to accept His touch, whether physical or spiritual, or both.

I noticed as I was washing, the closer I got, the cleaner it got. 
That is the same with Jesus. The closer we get to Him, we first see how dirty we really are. But if we let Him, He will cleanse it all away.

I thought back to my neighbors words: "It's very therapeutic." The word therapeutic actually means "relating to the healing of disease." While this act of power-washing may be "therapy" for our mind or relieve some stress for the day, we all stand in need of something more therapeutic, something that needs healing in us.

The act was more for my porch steps than for me. The steps were "diseased." And so is my heart. We stand in need daily of a Savior. He is the Healer of our disease, the disease of sin. 
This virus is rampant- but long before that, sin was. And there is only one Healer.

As Easter approaches, I want to find myself close to Him. I want Him close to me. I want to reflect on His blood that was shed, for "without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness of sins." Hebrews 9:22 
That is the true power washing. Reminds me of an old hymn we use to sing! 
"Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin!" Psalms 51:2

As you can see, I'm not done.
(I wish I had a before picture of the steps.)
I stopped at the sidewalk. It is a good reminder of what it looks like before and after.  And that there's still much to be done- I daily need His mercy and grace. I guess that's why God continually uses cleaning in my life to teach me these lessons- He's still working on me! 

April 1- Fifteen Years Later

A long time ago, April first was a celebrated day in our family- well, at least through spoken celebrations. It is my Nanny's birthday. Growing up in my home, birthdays were not much different than any other day. We might send cards or pick some flowers out of the yard, possibly. But other than that, we didn't celebrate birthdays. I know I had a 5 year old birthday party- not because I remember, but because I've seen the pictures of myself posed with my Raggedy Ann cake, surrounded by my brother and cousins. I do recall the surprise birthday party I had when I was 15, attended by a friend and boyfriend, and probably my little brother. Other than that, birthdays weren't a big deal, but they were dates embedded in my head of those closest to me.

Fast forward- or rewind rather- to 15 years ago, when another April Fool's Day came around. On that day, I found myself pregnant for the third time and sitting in a doctor's office, waiting ultrasound results- results that would bring me to my knees and change our world forever. 

"I remember it all- oh how well I remember, the feeling of hitting the bottom.........."

That day, in that small doctor's office, I sat as he told me our child would most likely be stillborn or would not live long after birth. And he was right. After carrying our son Pruitt for 37 weeks, he was born (a beautiful baby) in July of that summer, and lived 33 days before leaving us right around sunrise on a Sunday morning in August.

I've written of this before......so I understand if you have tired of hearing my story. 

But every April fools day that rolls around, my mind and heart takes me back to that room, to that day- the day my world fell apart. It was a day that felt like a dream- surreal- that this could not be happening to me, to us and our little family. But it did.

"But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope..."

Hope. If you come in our house, you will see that word in several places. God's grace and a whole lot of Hope. It was what got me through, and what still gets me through days like today. 

But I write this today for you. Perhaps your world has fallen apart today. I know somewhere, somewhere probably pretty close by, someone's has. My own family is experiencing this as my aunt's family has lost a loved one due to the virus. 

I have gotten off of Facebook for a few days because it was too much for me. I told a friend, although I've been here before- in the unknown, all the reports and news was getting to me, and it doesn't take much to allow my mind to wander, and before I know it, it is filled with worry. It became an anxiety pandemic of my thoughts. 

I had to be reminded of Truth. 

In those days 15 years ago, there was so much unknown. We really had no idea how things were going to turn out. The fear of the unknown is overwhelming. But what DO we know?

God's loyal love could't have run out, His merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great is your faithfulness!

Yes. This we know!! This is what we have to hold on to in the middle of the crisis, the storm, the loss, the pandemic, the unknown.

I wrote this in my journal 15 years ago- a quote by FB Myer. "Has He not thus brought you into difficulties that He may have an opportunity of strengthening your faith, by giving some unexplained proof of His power? Wait only on the Lord, trust also in Him, He will provide."

He will provide. EVERYTHING we need. Comfort, peace, provision, strength, grace, mercies new every morning. 

I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over). He's all I've got left. 

Lamentations 3:19-24

Demi, Kobe, and Me

And yes, I know that title is grammatically incorrect, my high school English teachers :)

Were it not for the fact that I have two teenagers, a boy and a girl, the names Demi Lovato and Kobe Bryant might be lost on me.....Really, they might. But my girl loved her Disney Channel, and my boy is right at this moment attending a Grizzlies Basketball game, so these two celebrity names were dropped and watched occasionally in our home. This has been a week of tweets and posts regarding the two- Kobe certainly more than Demi, I'm sure. And I don't mean to take anything away from that tragedy- because I too stayed glued to Fox News on Sunday, until I made myself get up and go to the doctor to get a shot for strep. However,  Demi hasn't been too far from my mind either. She wouldn't have been, if I hadn't tuned in to the Grammy's Sunday night. (Yes, I'm sure there were better things I could do.) But my interest was piqued as Demi took the stage to sing. I knew some of her back story, because of my teenage daughter. I knew that she had struggled with anxiety, depression, substance abuse and overdosed, then was in rehab. This would be her first performance since being hospitalized- and this message was NOT lost on me. Some of her lyrics...."a hundred million stories and a hundred million songs, I feel stupid when I sing; Nobody's listening to me...I talk to shooting stars but they always get it wrong, I feel stupid when I pray, so why am I praying anyway if nobody's listening.. Anyone, please send me anyone. Lord is there anyone, I need someone..." 

I was moved to tears. Not because I follow Demi on Instagram and know her so well and watched all her movies. But because my heart hurt for her. And because if I'm honest, how many people do I come in contact with everyday who feel this way. And if I'm being REALLY honest, how many times have I felt that way?

And I was moved to tears watching Fox News. Not because I followed Kobe on Instagram and I watched all of his games and am a huge fan, but because my heart hurt for his family- and the families of all the others who died that day. And because I do come in contact with people EVERYDAY down the street or in the halls or on Facebook who did lose someone they love. 

Maybe I'm not making sense here.

My point is....

What is eternal? 

I'll probably never meet Demi Lovato or Kobe Bryant's family. I'll never have the opportunity to minister to them. Sure, I can pray for them. 

But my mind is more on their souls. Did Kobe know the Lord? Does Demi? More personally- does my neighbor? My co-worker? My family? Does my life even reflect that I do?

I was reminded once again today that we waste A LOT of time on things that ARE. NOT. ETERNAL.  I'm so guilty. (I'll refrain from listing my TV shows here....)

But aren't we all caught up in the insignificant? Games, fame, music, grades, trophies, money, food, clothes, other's opinions, sleep... (ok, my own toes are hurting.)

I was bent out of shape a week ago over test scores. NOT ETERNAL.

One of my sweet first grade babies told me today that she invited Jesus in her heart. ETERNAL!!!!!  Praise God!! Somebody's eyes are focused on things unseen!

My prayer is that I will be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading when He puts a Demi in my life- one who is begging for anyone who will listen. May I be that someone.

Or when I feel like no one is listening and that my prayers don't matter- remind me that He is listening.

Or when He puts a Bryant family, or an Altobelli family, or a Mauser family or Chester family or Zobayan family in my path, He will give me words of comfort and the message of hope that they can have in Him. 

That is eternal. 

And if I'm not sensitive to the Spirit's leading- that is also eternal.

Colossians 3:1-3

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.