This is 40.

I can't sleep. This is 40? 
No. This is the 3:00 cup of coffee plus the 8:00 diet coke. And the fact that I've always been a night owl.
That hasn't changed.

As I lay in bed tonight, on what's left of my birthday, I thought back to turning 30. That one didn't bother me. This one......just sounds old.
I thought about the differences in once being 30 and now 40.

A four and one year old. That was 30.

Heaven help us- now a 14 and 11 year old. This is 40.

I was changing diapers, watching a lot of Blue's Clues. A new life was soon to be forming within me. Hormones- mine. A loving husband. A different state, a much colder birthday. A new friend that shared my birthday. A mini-van. Toby Mac and Faith Hill. Car seats. A VCR that was still hooked up- it played mostly Elmo, Ice Age, Toy Story. That was 30.

Now, iPads, iPods. A few PG-13 movies. A warm day in a different state. A closer drive to Mama's- better than 8 hours. Did I mention an 8th grader with a girlfriend? A sixth grader. Hormones- theirs and mine. Lecrae and Taylor Swift. New friends with same birthdays. Van long gone. This is 40.

Lightening McQueen and Dora the Explorer. Teaching preschool and then coming home to pre-schoolers. More diapers. Potty training. Making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches- a lot. They both had blonde hair, hers with a few curls. That was 30.

Driving their friends to and fro. He's in the youth group. She's about to be. I teach first grade. I come home to help with Algebra and Science homework. They make their own lunches. The both have brown hair, his with curls.
Developing study habits. Checking their text messages. Having to have "the talk". Did I mention hormones? This is 40.

Reading books to them, not much time to read what I wanted to. Late night TV- after they are asleep.
Me-short hair. Fewer wrinkles. Trying to adjust. 
My life falling apart. 
Planning the funeral of my baby. That was 30.

A coffee drinker. Published book. Finished reading 2 books over Thanksgiving break. Me-long hair. More wrinkles. Still trying to adjust. A loving husband. God bringing beauty from ashes. This is 40.

My life at 30 looked very different than it does today.  
Only ONE thing has stayed the same: the faithfulness of my Lord. I have strayed- at thirty and forty, and all in-between. 
But He has been faithful. His mercies have been new every day. 
I am so grateful for His providence, sovereignty, and protection over us, especially for the past 10 years. There is no doubt that His grace has been sufficient.

I live in the fact that it will continue to be. 
This is 40.