I can't seem to get away from the past 3 weeks of our David Bible study. Guess that's a good thing, huh?
I'll start with last weeks, and maybe I'll eventually get around to the others!
Last week's video came after we'd just found out Jonathan died. (Jonathan as in David's friend, not anyone I know personally!!) I have to say, I was a little teary eyed after reading that passage. I mean, I knew it was coming- just an emotional week I guess!
Anyway- The video was about going Further still with God. Beth gave 5 ways to know if this season you are in is one where you are being called to go "further still?"
Here are those five ways:
1. Further still....when you are overwhelmed with sorrow.
2. Further still....when you desperately need to wrestle with the will of God.
3. Further still....when nobody else gets it.
4. Further still....when the most serious matters of your life need settling.
5. Further still....when life can't be the same but the pain can bring gain.
Can we go further still without having these prerequisites? I asked our group and they pretty much agreed that no, you couldn't. I could not help but apply each of these to our season with Pruitt. I felt each of these things. Especially #1, #2, and the first part of #5. Under point #1, she mentioned that the word for overwhelmed in Matt. 26:38 meant "grieved all around." "It suggests a sorrow so deep it almost kills."
Under #2, in struggling with the will of God, she talked about the fact that God does not say no lightly. The text was Jesus in the Garden of Gesthemene, and Jesus praying for the cup to pass. God's no to Jesus was salvation for us. When we ask to "let this cup pass from me" sometimes God's answer may be no. It was for us. I did not want to drink from that cup of suffering. But God said "No." Under #5, she mentioned that God does not do things on a whim-if there is such pain, then there is a greater "yes." Again, if no is the answer He has, then there is a greater reason for that, and ultimately a greater purpose, your purpose, my purpose, that would not be possible had that cup not been given to you, to me.
I know that had we not gone through the things we did, I would not have seen a working of God that I did. No, we did not get a miracle, at least not in the world's eyes. But, we did-we got time with our precious baby boy that doctor's said at first would never even happen. He did things they thought he would never do. The list goes on and on.............
The further still part? Well, like I said, I do think I went further still to a place in which there was no other way to get there. Sometimes, I even long to go back to that "place." No, not to the circumstances which caused the pain, or even to the pain, itself, but just to that holy, sovereign place with the Lord. It really is indescribable, unless you've been.
That's not to say that I always went "further still." I think we can be at any one of the five places mentioned above, and easily NOT go further. It is a choice we have. I always said I want to make the right choice with this, (even now), to glorify God in it, and in doing so, honor Pruitt's life. But I KNOW (because of those other 2 studies!!, for one reason!) that I have not always made that choice. There have been days I've been mad, asked "why me?", and let the sorrow overtake me. There have been times when I say "they DON'T understand" and I turn #3 into a pity party. There are times when I feel like the matters (#4) of my life have been settled, only to dig it back up again, and start over with the wrestling. I think it is an ongoing battle sometimes.
Either way, I have gone further still, and sometimes I've made the choice to stop in my tracks on the course God has for me.
I pray that more often than not, I will be found pressing on, running the race, and in the process, discover exactly what God's purpose is for me- even when life can never be the same as it once was.
Being Held,
Jenn
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