Being Held

Hold- to bear, sustain or support as with the hands or arms, or by any other means

Sustain- to keep (a person) from giving way, as under a trial or affliction

When I thought about what to write for my first "real" blog, I thought I should explain the name of the blog. Megan got me started and actually got this from looking at my facebook info page. It couldn't be more appropriate. During the short months after we found out about Pruitt, the song "Held" came out on the radio. I heard it one day while I was still pregnant and could not believe the words I was hearing. It is very hard to put into words at a time like that, what you are feeling. We didn't even know the extent of everything at the time, but after he went to be with the Lord, the song seemed to say so much of what I felt.

"This is what it is to be held, how it feels, when the sacred is torn from your lives and you survive."

We played the song at both funeral services. I don't really even think I understood what those words really meant, even then. But I felt the Lord holding us.

The definition above tells you what takes place when He does that, and scripture testifies to it as well. Another line in the song says, "This hand is bitterness, we want to taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrows."

I truly believe that God sustained us, and kept us from giving way to the bitterness and hatred. Oh, yes, I tasted of it on days and many days wanted to drink from its fountains. Unless you've been there, you don't know the spiritual battle that comes at a time like that. It was so real and the depression is ironically, and deceptively so comforting. I could drown my sorrows in it. Even on those days, God held me and kept me from drowning it it. It is only by His grace that we are where we are today. I will be the first to tell you I am not "there" yet and healing is still taking place, but it is only because of His mercies that have been new and His grace that has brought us thus far.

"If hope is born of suffering.........can we not wait for one hour, watching for our Savior?"

Even on the most normal days still, I hear the Lord saying, "This is what it is, Jennifer, to be held by Me. I held you thru pregnancy, the delivery, the waiting, the funeral, the holidays, anniversaries, vacations, moves, jobs, and everyday in between and I will hold you every day to come. I've been holding you all along."

Being Held,

Jennifer