Yardwork

If you know very much about me, you will know that I mow our yard a good bit. I grew up having to share that job with my brothers, so I don't mind it too much. It's good exercise! I do keep hoping the riding mower we have will get fixed, though!

Although I carry on the chore from childhood, I did not inherit my mother's knack for gardening or flowers. I can hardly keep any alive! Needless to say, as long as I get the yard mowed, that's about all I can do. I would never win Yard of the Year because of my flower beds. I was mowing yesterday and noticed two things.

First, after my wonderful husband came in and took over finishing the yard, I decided to see what I could do to the front beds. Having not really taken care of them over the summer, they were pretty bad. So, I got on hands and knees and began to pull.I was grabbing and clawing with both hands, pulling everything away I could with all my might.

It then occurred to me if only we did the same with our sins.

If only we could realize what the bed of our heart looks like sometimes. If only we would tear away with such fierceness the roots of bitterness, anger, jealousy, lust, gossip, envy, and pride, not to mention the "big" ones deeply planted among them.

If you have this weeding picture in mind now, you might imagine that it's a messy job. My fingernails were black; once I even grabbed a vine of briars. Not fun. A stick stabbed me in the hand and my legs hurt from trying not to just sit on the ground. My thumb hurt where I had burned it earlier that day. I even got a whiff of a gift left by a roaming dog. Weeding is a hard, messy job. But, the more I pulled, the more I wanted to pull. I wanted it to look better.

It was getting darker, and I realized something else. In order to really do the job right, I needed light. Who knows what I may have pulled up if I'd kept going in the dark. I was also afraid I might grab a critter of some sort! We also can't weed out the bad in our lives without the LIGHT. His light shines on us and shows us what needs to be removed. He is the true Gardener.

One other thing, not related to weeding so much, that I noticed yesterday, was a cluster of green in the back flower beds. They too have many weeds in them, and lots of rocks! So, I've pretty much let it go as well! But I noticed two groups of something growing. I am pretty sure it is flowers, but I don't remember planting them! What a surprise it will be to see what they look like when they bloom. After a conversation with Jason last night, the Lord confirmed what I had been thinking. We have a job to plant seeds in the soil of others' lives. Often it seems there is no fruit coming from our hard labor. Then, someday the flower will bloom from the seed that we don't even remember planting. I really do pray I am planting the right seeds in the lives of our youth, my students and my children. I pray that I and others will water that seed along the way, and that God will bloom it in His time. And in the waiting, His grace will cover them. I also pray in my own life and theirs, that He will weed out those things that don't belong so that we are a beautiful garden in His eyes. Then, we can be a fragrant witness of His beauty and grace.

Penny for your thoughts

A penny for your thoughts, they say. You're especially on my mind today

As I remember the day you came, my treasure can't be taken away.

I hold you dear, so close to my heart, just as I did from the start.

I am held by the One Who holds, you my son, so we're never really apart.

From the moment we knew that we would dress you in blue

Until the time came that He called out your name, His Word remained true.

A penny for your thoughts, they say. Many a debt I could pay

With all the times you've been on my mind, never far away.

Yet how rich am I to have held and known such a gift from God alone.

Even though, too soon we thought, He had to take you back home.

You left your mark, right on our hearts, when we first saw your face.

Somehow all along, your little lifesong, will sing of His goodness and grace.

I really can't believe that it's been 5 years. We took sunflowers today to the cemetery but I'd like to think of them as "Sonflowers." It is because of the Son that I have any hope at all, and because of Him that I am even able to get up in the mornings.

I seem to do better on Pruitt's birthday than on his going home day. These in-between days are the harder ones. I guess that's normal. But today, I thank the Lord for the blessing He gave us 5 years ago. That in itself is all a story to tell, for the Lord has done great things for us. What a testimony his little life has!

"...everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made." Isaiah 43:7

Happy Birthday, Baby Pruitt

Being Held

Hold- to bear, sustain or support as with the hands or arms, or by any other means

Sustain- to keep (a person) from giving way, as under a trial or affliction

When I thought about what to write for my first "real" blog, I thought I should explain the name of the blog. Megan got me started and actually got this from looking at my facebook info page. It couldn't be more appropriate. During the short months after we found out about Pruitt, the song "Held" came out on the radio. I heard it one day while I was still pregnant and could not believe the words I was hearing. It is very hard to put into words at a time like that, what you are feeling. We didn't even know the extent of everything at the time, but after he went to be with the Lord, the song seemed to say so much of what I felt.

"This is what it is to be held, how it feels, when the sacred is torn from your lives and you survive."

We played the song at both funeral services. I don't really even think I understood what those words really meant, even then. But I felt the Lord holding us.

The definition above tells you what takes place when He does that, and scripture testifies to it as well. Another line in the song says, "This hand is bitterness, we want to taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrows."

I truly believe that God sustained us, and kept us from giving way to the bitterness and hatred. Oh, yes, I tasted of it on days and many days wanted to drink from its fountains. Unless you've been there, you don't know the spiritual battle that comes at a time like that. It was so real and the depression is ironically, and deceptively so comforting. I could drown my sorrows in it. Even on those days, God held me and kept me from drowning it it. It is only by His grace that we are where we are today. I will be the first to tell you I am not "there" yet and healing is still taking place, but it is only because of His mercies that have been new and His grace that has brought us thus far.

"If hope is born of suffering.........can we not wait for one hour, watching for our Savior?"

Even on the most normal days still, I hear the Lord saying, "This is what it is, Jennifer, to be held by Me. I held you thru pregnancy, the delivery, the waiting, the funeral, the holidays, anniversaries, vacations, moves, jobs, and everyday in between and I will hold you every day to come. I've been holding you all along."

Being Held,

Jennifer

New to me!

Well, this blog thing is very new to me, considering I'm not very savy when it comes to computers! Thanks to Megan Johnson for setting me up. I have to say, I love to write but only seem to get inspired every now and then. Maybe it will hit me more since I have this!

If not, I'll post some earlier writings or something!!