MSTAR and Elvis

This year, our school has implemented the M-STAR-  an evaluation tool that will go in place next year in the state of Mississippi. It stands for Mississippi Statewide Teacher Appraisal Rubric. To sum it up, there are 20 standards teachers will be observed on, 7 of which involve being observed weekly. The others have to do with Professional Development, Test Scores, and Lesson Planning. A formal evaluation will take place in the fall and in the spring, resulting in a score that ranges from a 1 to a 4- a 1 means you did not meet expectation; a 4 means you exceeded expectation.

I thought of a new acronym for M-STAR: More Stress Teachers Are Receiving. Yes, it has increased my stress level! Every week, not knowing when "they" are coming in. Every week, worrying whether or not I will meet the standard. Even so, I do respect the fact that it has been put in place to help me better myself as an educator and I hope to make me a more effective teacher. 

But, as most of my posts are, this is another analogy. As I put my exhausted body in bed at 9:30 on a Friday night last night, I thought about MSTAR in my Jesus-following, Bible-believing, daily Christian walk. Another acronym: Is My Salvation Testimony Authenticated Relevantly? 

What does that mean? Is it real?

Does my life reflect what Christ has done in me? 

As we were "briefed" on what was involved in this new evaluation process, many of us questioned, "But what if, during one of these 10 minute weekly walk-throughs by administration, the specific standard is not observed? What if we are eating snack and I'm reading a chapter book to my class (like I was last week!!) The answer we were given: The evidence will show what kind of teacher you are. If there is dust on the Promethean board or books, chances are you haven't used those things. If manipulatives are still in unopened packages, not a good sign.

The evidence. The proof is in the pudding.

In my daily walk, if I am observed for a 10 minute window of time, what will you see? Well, that depends on the situation!! If it is on Sunday morning trying to rush myself kids out the door, it's not pretty. Or on any weekday afternoon, when my own children get to my classroom, and they are arguing, and I'm trying to get stuff done for the next day, ugh.

But as a whole, what does the evidence show? 

Speaking of dust........what does this evidence show? As I was cleaning and mulling over this blog, I started cleaning on the "Elvis shelf." One of the figurines looked like Elvis had a dust-fro. Cobwebs and dust that covered a replica of Graceland like snow could be found. 

To be honest, I didn't clean every one of the figurines. Do you know how many he has?!

Not to just pick on Elvis, I took a picture of some of my collections:

If you look closely, you can see the line drawn in the dust below my "treasures."

I think there's a verse that mentions something about "lay not up treasures where moth and dust corrupt..." but that's another blog!

The evidence shows I need a cleaning lady!!

So how does this all connect to MSTAR?

Verses 19-20 came up on my Bible App for the verse of the day: 

2 Corinthians 5

^14-15 Our firm decision is to work from this focused center: One man died for everyone. That puts everyone in the same boat. He included everyone in his death so that everyone could also be included in his life, a resurrection life, a far better life than people ever lived on their own.

^16-20 Because of this decision we don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don’t look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what he is doing. We’re Christ’s representatives.

As Christ's representative, I pray my life will be the proof of His love, as a recent song says. I pray the evidence will show. I pray that even when on the outside I get dusty, I'm reminded of that fresh start I have in Jesus through repentance and forgiveness. I pray that the fruit of my life shows it.

I KNOW I have some 10 minute (or 10 days....depending!!) snippets in my life  that do not look good. 

But, Oh, Lord.....may My Salvation Testimony be Authenticated Relevantly to others, by the grace of Jesus Christ, through the evaluation and conviction of the Holy Spirit. 

And when the evidence is not there, (and many times it isn't), I pray that God, my Observer and Authority, will direct me back to Himself, making me a genuine example to others. 

Can't Jesus Fix That?

It is hard to find the time during the day as a teacher to make notes of "things kids say," but today I did. One of my students said "I'm starving!" as we were getting ready to have snack. Well, as my own personal children know, when you say that to me, a Haiti speech is coming. And so it did. I began to tell them of some of the conditions in the area we were in when we went; that there are no chicken nuggets or pizza or candy, and how fortunate the children are there, if they get one meal of rice and beans a day.
 I then compared it to the amount of food that we have access to each day. (I am well aware that we do have students in our own classes right here in Corinth that may not eat some nights.) 

Not to belittle those situations at all, but at least we do know our students have breakfast, lunch and a snack at school. Anyway, as I continued to talk about the poverty there, as it applied to food, the sweetest little hand went up, and these were the words out of his mouth: "Can't Jesus fix that?

"Yes, baby, He can" was my reply with a hug.

I immediately went to my desk, jotted the quote down, and didn't dwell on it too long for fear of the tears that may accompany my thoughts.

Now, my eyes become wet as I think of situations that are heavy on my heart tonight-people that are hurting; friends that are praying for healing; those whose addictions have them in chains, some who do not even know that they are bound; little girls without a father in their home, little boys trying to be the "father" for their home; a heart that still mourns the empty cradle; a spouse who will sleep alone for the first time or the fiftieth time because the love of their life is gone; a body that is exhausted from the fight; yes, the Haitian and Dominican people that I have come to love who settle in their homes as dusk falls, and darkness follows until dawn because they have no electricity.

All these and so many more- Yes, Jesus can fix that.

  In every situation we can imagine, He can fix it. He can heal. He can provide. He can break those chains.      He can renew strength. He can be a Father to the   fatherless. He can comfort. He can restore and redeem that which was lost. 

We have to be willing to let Him. And sometimes, He will use us to be in on His "fixing" process.

As you lay your head down tonight, reflect on your life. What is in it that is troubling you? Hear Ethan's question that he asked me. 
"Can't Jesus fix that?"

"Yes, baby, He can."

Isaiah 61:1-3

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, Because the Lord has anointed Me To preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And the opening of the prison to those who are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

Prints of Love

I came home tonight after an almost 12 hour work day, between school meetings, running home checking on the kids, back to school for meetings, running back home to run my kids to the doctor, grab some Taco Bell, then go back to school.........As I walked in the kitchen, I noticed gray footprints on the floor. Evidently, while I was away, the mice decided to play. They had broken a thermometer, and gotten what I assume was mercury on the floor. After a poor job of cleaning it up, they left it to be tracked through the house. As I put aside the school work to clean up the "evidence," I thought back to our Trinity days and remember a mom saying how she didn't want to wash off the fingerprints from her windows, for one day, the there would be no kids around the house to leave them there. 
My mind is swirling with so many things these days, one of which is the fact that my own children are growing up so fast, right before my eyes. With that comes a whole other blog!
But after my own children, my thoughts and prayers have been for the 19 that will walk through my door Thursday morning. Those little faces, some of who I will meet at "Meet the Teacher," will hopefully be beaming as they see their desks, supplies, and new classroom. 
As we begin a new school year (how it came so fast, I do not know!!), I am always aware of the fact that I am with other people's children more than I am my own. For around 8 hours every day- give or take a some minutes- I am momma, doctor, counselor, negotiator, and teacher, just to name a few. Every year, I am overwhelmed with all that has to be done. Every year, I am afraid that I will not do enough. Every year, I face failures and victories alike. Every year, I cry. Every year I laugh- alot! It is true with our personal children as well.
But, today, in one of my running around moments in between meetings, I saw a student and his brothers from last year- and my heart lit up. As I saw those precious faces, I was reminded of the privilege that I have - to invest in these little lives. I was reminded that even though I fell in love with some little lives when I've been to Montana, Haiti or Ecuador, there are 19 more waiting for me right here in Corinth on Thursday.
As our speaker closed his message this morning, his final words were "just love them." 
So, as I entrust my own children to teachers who will spend more time with them than I will, and as I do the same for others' precious ones, my prayer for this year comes from 1 Corinthians 13- 

¹² We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

¹³ But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

And that HE, through me, will leave fingerprints that will never be washed away.

Jack and the Beanstalk Gone Bad....

We've recently been trying to do some remodeling in one of our bathrooms. It only had a tub with a hand-held shower sprayer, so we were wanting to put a "real" shower in there for the kids and company. After much pain, Jason was able to remove the layers of concrete and old sheetrock, but since we've been gone so much, we haven't gotten it finished yet. 

When we got back from Haiti, he opened the bathroom door, and this is what we saw:

Yes, a vine growing from behind the window! I hesitated to add the picture, because, well, it's kind of embarrassing!! We got a good laugh out of it though! I kept thinking over the past few days that I needed to go outside and cut it down, assuming it had grown from below the window and somehow through some of the insulation above the window. 

When we got home from church this morning, I walked over and looked at the window. There was no vine on the outside. It was growing between the brick and the wall. I suppose there is really no way to remove it, unless, we went under the house and uprooted it! We will have to cut it to finish the bathroom but it will still be there, behind the wall, which may not be a good thing!

I thought about the wall of my heart. When we surrender to the demolition that the Lord needs to do on our heart, things are revealed that others may not have known were there. At a time in my life, it was a root of bitterness and jealousy that was well hidden between the walls of my heart and what you would see on the outside. It was green with envy, much like this vine. Only until the Lord broke through the layers did I see it for what it was.

I'm guessing that since we can't really totally remove it, this vine has the potential to cause further problems down the road. I hope not, but I know that in life, until those "vines" are totally gone from our hearts, we will always battle it. It may not be visible to others, but we know it's there. 

Jeremiah 17:9-10

“The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be.”

Bro. Dennis preached on pretending and wearing masks this morning. I'm asking God to get to the root of things in my life, to examine my heart and mind. I want to be real, nothing hidden, so that when the walls of my heart are stripped, it will be found pure. I know that ultimately that will never be this side of heaven, but I pray I am ever striving for holiness. And when I'm not, I hope I will ask for Him to remodel my heart again.

The Way I Walk in Haiti

No, I'm not trying to show you something I stepped in! 

If you look closely, you can see on the right side of my shoe, the bottom is starting to come off. Last year when I went to Haiti, by the end of the week, I had to duck-tape my shoes together to make it through the last day. By the end of the second day, I noticed it was happening again. The bottom part had already started to come off.  I found myself saying, "I guess it's the way I walk in Haiti or something." Yes, the terrain where we were is bumpy and rocky; stubs of trees that had been cut off where they cleared the land were sticking up. Maybe that had something to do with it.

It is a land that these ladies walked everyday.

By the third day, they were looking something like this. I didn't think to take a picture, but again, by the end of the week, all of the gray and pink grip part of the top half of my shoes was gone. 

On our next to last work day, the boy in the bright blue shirt, John Mykel, asked me, "Are your shoes good for me?" 

He had found a very special place in my heart, as well as others. He was one of six children, and what a brother and son he was! He was always looking out for his younger siblings, making sure to share with them anything that he was given. When I handed him the shoes the next day, he took them to his sister.

Here, John Mathis and I got in a picture with some of the rest of his family.

Unless you have been to a place like Haiti, it is hard to put into words the feelings you have when you are there. Here are a few: grateful, humbled, blessed....uhh, blessed, humbled, grateful, full, overflowing.

So what is the way I walk in Haiti? Some days, I walked with tears in my eyes. I walked with a smile on my face as I looked into the faces of those who were completely content. I walked with sweat rolling down my back, something that didn't even seem to bother most. I walked with ears listening to the infectious laughter of children, through which volumes were spoken in giggles. I walked in the presence of Jesus at a church service in which I understood nothing, except the name of Jesus in a song. Amazing how the Name of Jesus rings out, no matter the language. At the end of that service, hands were reached out to us, and in unison of voices but individual prayers, we were prayed for by these precious people of God. In closing, they recited the Lord's prayer. I was then walking with a heart overflowing-humbled as they lifted our needs up to the Father.

Returning to "normal" routines today, I thought back to "how I walked in Haiti." How do I do that here? My heart is still there right now. My mind is still singing the songs I learned in Haitian Creole. So how do I walk here they way I did there?

When I walked in to school today, I literally felt sick. Please don't hear that the wrong way. I am very grateful to have a job, and to be able to have such a nice facility to teach in. But as I entered those doors, the faces of those I'd seen for 8 days were before me. The picture of their school was on my mind.

Yes, Praise God, it is better than what it was last year. Now they meet in a concrete brick room, un-airconditioned, no electricity.

I thought about their church and the dancing and praising the lady in the pink shirt gave to the Lord when they got lights in the church, due to the solar panels.

How do they walk in Haiti? They walk by faith.

2 Corinthians 5:7

"That’s why we live with such good cheer. You won’t see us drooping our heads or dragging our feet! Cramped conditions here don’t get us down. They only remind us of the spacious living conditions ahead. It’s what we trust in but don’t yet see that keeps us going. Do you suppose a few ruts in the road or rocks in the path are going to stop us? When the time comes, we’ll be plenty ready to exchange exile for homecoming."

I used those verses last year when I blogged about Haiti. But it just seems appropriate again.

I don't know that we really walk by faith here. We do get stopped by the ruts and rocks in the road that tear up our shoes, and we just go buy new ones. Do we really trust in what we can't see? Is that what keeps us going? My prayer is that I would remember those faces, those songs, those prayers.
To my knowledge, the Lord has not called us to move to Haiti. 
But, I pray as I walk here, in my comings and goings, that my faith would be strengthened, tested, and proven solid, and my dependence only be found on Jesus.

Entangled

Hebrews 12:1a

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles." 

There was an unwritten list of things I needed to do today, especially in light of the fact that I am leaving for Haiti in 5 days. Yet I found myself doing yard work. I already mowed yesterday, so that should have been my extent of it for the week. As I was mowing, (and every time I do), I find myself dodging this:

Yes, that is a shrub, or a tree. I'm not sure. In our front yard. Lovely, isn't it? Try riding a lawnmower under that. Not so fun. So, I decided I would do a little trimming. Now, I do not claim to have any shade of green on my thumbs. Something I did not inherit from my mama. So, I'm well aware for all you who do, (especially my cousin landscape architect) and know that it probably is not the "time of year" do trim back your shrubs. I don't care. I was tired of looking at this thing.

As I began to cut, what I knew was there all along, I quickly realized in order to do much good, I needed to just cut low. The shrub-tree-thing no longer looked like it was supposed to, for it had been overtaken with honeysuckle.

It took some cutting, but eventually the weight of the vines was too much to bear, and began to fall. As I began more of a botanical surgery, I noticed the thin vines on top were coming from a stronger source.

Wrapped around several stems were these guys. My guess is they had to have been there for a while, to be this thick. It was not lost on me what these look like:

Their serpentine hold on the shrub had overpowered it. It did what was in its nature to do- entangle. What once was probably a little shrub-tree, (again, I don't have a clue!), planted with intentions of landscaping what was once a newly built home, now looked nothing like what their original owner had in mind.

As I severed the stems, along with the vines, John 15 came to mind. 

Jesus says,   

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

Just like the honeysuckle vine, there is so much in our lives that entangles us, making us look nothing like what the Lord intends for us to. We are alive, trying to grow, but like the seed planted in thorny soil, the Word gets choked out by the world, and soon we are overtaken. Freedom can only come through the Master Landscape Architect, the Gardener, who cuts away the thing that has twisted itself around us. 

When He is done, we definitely won't look like we did before.  

We. Are. Changed.

But the weight of that which easily entangled us is gone. 

No, probably not forever, at least on this side of eternity. It will be a continual pruning, a constant battle, because we are human. We struggle with the old man. But when the cutting has been done, others will notice too. 

If you drive by my yard, you will probably notice as well. You will see the pile of twigs, leaves and vines on the road. You may glance over, noticing the strange looking shrub-tree-like things and how crazy they look. 

But more than my yard (that will never win yard of the year!), I pray you see my life and your life as that shrub-tree-like thing, that either has been cut or needs to be, in order to change what we look like. 

Hopefully, it will be more like Christ.

One Score and 20 days ago

     Primrose Path- a path of ease or pleasure 

This morning I awoke to a text from my friend Wyndi. She

   had found it- the "primrose path." 

Lane, path. It's all the same. A road that takes you from one place to another. 

Mark Smith, our principal/physics, chemistry, geometry, algebra, Bible teacher/counselor/mentor at Hebron Christian School, told us many times "not to be led down the 'primrose path.' " Evidently he knew his Shakespeare too. 

"Do not, as some ungracious pastors do,

   Show me the steep and thorny way to heaven,

                                             Whiles, like a puff'd and reckless libertine,

                                            Himself the primrose path of dalliance treads, 

                                     And recks not his own rede." - Shakespeare's Hamlet

This "path" is also mentioned in Macbeth:

"the primrose way to the everlasting bonfire" (2.3) 

                                       i.e., the broad and attractive road to destruction.

After receiving Wyndi's text today, I got to thinking about the path I've taken over these past 20 years since I graduated from that little school. Yes, this is my 20 year reunion. There is only one problem with that- I was the only senior that year. We attended a very small school, and by the time I reached my last year, the rest of my "class" had gone elsewhere to finish. Still, I had a graduation ceremony, all for me, which lasted about an hour!

   

Needless to say, there wasn't a reunion for me to attend this year. No need. I have one everyday!

But, as I thought about these past years that have flown by, I considered the paths I have wandered down. I was alone on this journey only for only a few of these 20 years, having married at age 22. There were many times, though, that I chose a path of ease, one that seemed broad and appealing but brought destruction at its end. A path of jealousy, bitterness, gossip, lust, laziness, envy.

I also wondered about those same friends who heard Mr. Smith's words over and over, as Wyndi and I did. What paths have they taken? Where are they now? Did they choose the narrow path or take the broad way that the Bible speaks of? Do they even remember these truths that we were taught?

Our literal paths have led us to different places, but I told Wyndi long ago (about 20 years) that a cord connects our hearts; and no matter where our roads lead, we will always have that to tie us together. It was that connection that caused her to send me the text this morning. (BTW, thanks for your research and the whole Shakespeare thing!)


I saw this picture posted on her husband's facebook page and asked to steal it. I also asked if she took "Primrose Lane" and did it lead her to this place?! If so, I was tempted!

No, Mr. Smith would be proud. She didn't have to take that road to end up here. In fact, figuratively speaking, had she taken the "Primrose" exit, it would look far different from this scenery.

But here, where the narrow path leads, is that which is perfect peace. Where the "Son" shines bright. Where, yes, sometimes the terrain is bumpy, but it is spotted with the green grass of His grace and mercy. Where we can rest in His sovereign shade.(Ps. 121:5) Where, as the ocean seems endless, so is His love.(Jer. 31:3) Where the waves consistently crash against the shore, reminding us of His loud, mighty strength and at the same time, of His gentle voice and touch. Where His thoughts of us out-number the grains of sand.(Ps. 139:18)

As you reflect over the past years of your life, which path have you taken? Which path are you on? If it's "Primrose," it's not too late to turn around.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost