Jack and the Beanstalk Gone Bad....

We've recently been trying to do some remodeling in one of our bathrooms. It only had a tub with a hand-held shower sprayer, so we were wanting to put a "real" shower in there for the kids and company. After much pain, Jason was able to remove the layers of concrete and old sheetrock, but since we've been gone so much, we haven't gotten it finished yet. 

When we got back from Haiti, he opened the bathroom door, and this is what we saw:

Yes, a vine growing from behind the window! I hesitated to add the picture, because, well, it's kind of embarrassing!! We got a good laugh out of it though! I kept thinking over the past few days that I needed to go outside and cut it down, assuming it had grown from below the window and somehow through some of the insulation above the window. 

When we got home from church this morning, I walked over and looked at the window. There was no vine on the outside. It was growing between the brick and the wall. I suppose there is really no way to remove it, unless, we went under the house and uprooted it! We will have to cut it to finish the bathroom but it will still be there, behind the wall, which may not be a good thing!

I thought about the wall of my heart. When we surrender to the demolition that the Lord needs to do on our heart, things are revealed that others may not have known were there. At a time in my life, it was a root of bitterness and jealousy that was well hidden between the walls of my heart and what you would see on the outside. It was green with envy, much like this vine. Only until the Lord broke through the layers did I see it for what it was.

I'm guessing that since we can't really totally remove it, this vine has the potential to cause further problems down the road. I hope not, but I know that in life, until those "vines" are totally gone from our hearts, we will always battle it. It may not be visible to others, but we know it's there. 

Jeremiah 17:9-10

“The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be.”

Bro. Dennis preached on pretending and wearing masks this morning. I'm asking God to get to the root of things in my life, to examine my heart and mind. I want to be real, nothing hidden, so that when the walls of my heart are stripped, it will be found pure. I know that ultimately that will never be this side of heaven, but I pray I am ever striving for holiness. And when I'm not, I hope I will ask for Him to remodel my heart again.

The Way I Walk in Haiti

No, I'm not trying to show you something I stepped in! 

If you look closely, you can see on the right side of my shoe, the bottom is starting to come off. Last year when I went to Haiti, by the end of the week, I had to duck-tape my shoes together to make it through the last day. By the end of the second day, I noticed it was happening again. The bottom part had already started to come off.  I found myself saying, "I guess it's the way I walk in Haiti or something." Yes, the terrain where we were is bumpy and rocky; stubs of trees that had been cut off where they cleared the land were sticking up. Maybe that had something to do with it.

It is a land that these ladies walked everyday.

By the third day, they were looking something like this. I didn't think to take a picture, but again, by the end of the week, all of the gray and pink grip part of the top half of my shoes was gone. 

On our next to last work day, the boy in the bright blue shirt, John Mykel, asked me, "Are your shoes good for me?" 

He had found a very special place in my heart, as well as others. He was one of six children, and what a brother and son he was! He was always looking out for his younger siblings, making sure to share with them anything that he was given. When I handed him the shoes the next day, he took them to his sister.

Here, John Mathis and I got in a picture with some of the rest of his family.

Unless you have been to a place like Haiti, it is hard to put into words the feelings you have when you are there. Here are a few: grateful, humbled, blessed....uhh, blessed, humbled, grateful, full, overflowing.

So what is the way I walk in Haiti? Some days, I walked with tears in my eyes. I walked with a smile on my face as I looked into the faces of those who were completely content. I walked with sweat rolling down my back, something that didn't even seem to bother most. I walked with ears listening to the infectious laughter of children, through which volumes were spoken in giggles. I walked in the presence of Jesus at a church service in which I understood nothing, except the name of Jesus in a song. Amazing how the Name of Jesus rings out, no matter the language. At the end of that service, hands were reached out to us, and in unison of voices but individual prayers, we were prayed for by these precious people of God. In closing, they recited the Lord's prayer. I was then walking with a heart overflowing-humbled as they lifted our needs up to the Father.

Returning to "normal" routines today, I thought back to "how I walked in Haiti." How do I do that here? My heart is still there right now. My mind is still singing the songs I learned in Haitian Creole. So how do I walk here they way I did there?

When I walked in to school today, I literally felt sick. Please don't hear that the wrong way. I am very grateful to have a job, and to be able to have such a nice facility to teach in. But as I entered those doors, the faces of those I'd seen for 8 days were before me. The picture of their school was on my mind.

Yes, Praise God, it is better than what it was last year. Now they meet in a concrete brick room, un-airconditioned, no electricity.

I thought about their church and the dancing and praising the lady in the pink shirt gave to the Lord when they got lights in the church, due to the solar panels.

How do they walk in Haiti? They walk by faith.

2 Corinthians 5:7

"That’s why we live with such good cheer. You won’t see us drooping our heads or dragging our feet! Cramped conditions here don’t get us down. They only remind us of the spacious living conditions ahead. It’s what we trust in but don’t yet see that keeps us going. Do you suppose a few ruts in the road or rocks in the path are going to stop us? When the time comes, we’ll be plenty ready to exchange exile for homecoming."

I used those verses last year when I blogged about Haiti. But it just seems appropriate again.

I don't know that we really walk by faith here. We do get stopped by the ruts and rocks in the road that tear up our shoes, and we just go buy new ones. Do we really trust in what we can't see? Is that what keeps us going? My prayer is that I would remember those faces, those songs, those prayers.
To my knowledge, the Lord has not called us to move to Haiti. 
But, I pray as I walk here, in my comings and goings, that my faith would be strengthened, tested, and proven solid, and my dependence only be found on Jesus.

Entangled

Hebrews 12:1a

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles." 

There was an unwritten list of things I needed to do today, especially in light of the fact that I am leaving for Haiti in 5 days. Yet I found myself doing yard work. I already mowed yesterday, so that should have been my extent of it for the week. As I was mowing, (and every time I do), I find myself dodging this:

Yes, that is a shrub, or a tree. I'm not sure. In our front yard. Lovely, isn't it? Try riding a lawnmower under that. Not so fun. So, I decided I would do a little trimming. Now, I do not claim to have any shade of green on my thumbs. Something I did not inherit from my mama. So, I'm well aware for all you who do, (especially my cousin landscape architect) and know that it probably is not the "time of year" do trim back your shrubs. I don't care. I was tired of looking at this thing.

As I began to cut, what I knew was there all along, I quickly realized in order to do much good, I needed to just cut low. The shrub-tree-thing no longer looked like it was supposed to, for it had been overtaken with honeysuckle.

It took some cutting, but eventually the weight of the vines was too much to bear, and began to fall. As I began more of a botanical surgery, I noticed the thin vines on top were coming from a stronger source.

Wrapped around several stems were these guys. My guess is they had to have been there for a while, to be this thick. It was not lost on me what these look like:

Their serpentine hold on the shrub had overpowered it. It did what was in its nature to do- entangle. What once was probably a little shrub-tree, (again, I don't have a clue!), planted with intentions of landscaping what was once a newly built home, now looked nothing like what their original owner had in mind.

As I severed the stems, along with the vines, John 15 came to mind. 

Jesus says,   

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

Just like the honeysuckle vine, there is so much in our lives that entangles us, making us look nothing like what the Lord intends for us to. We are alive, trying to grow, but like the seed planted in thorny soil, the Word gets choked out by the world, and soon we are overtaken. Freedom can only come through the Master Landscape Architect, the Gardener, who cuts away the thing that has twisted itself around us. 

When He is done, we definitely won't look like we did before.  

We. Are. Changed.

But the weight of that which easily entangled us is gone. 

No, probably not forever, at least on this side of eternity. It will be a continual pruning, a constant battle, because we are human. We struggle with the old man. But when the cutting has been done, others will notice too. 

If you drive by my yard, you will probably notice as well. You will see the pile of twigs, leaves and vines on the road. You may glance over, noticing the strange looking shrub-tree-like things and how crazy they look. 

But more than my yard (that will never win yard of the year!), I pray you see my life and your life as that shrub-tree-like thing, that either has been cut or needs to be, in order to change what we look like. 

Hopefully, it will be more like Christ.

One Score and 20 days ago

     Primrose Path- a path of ease or pleasure 

This morning I awoke to a text from my friend Wyndi. She

   had found it- the "primrose path." 

Lane, path. It's all the same. A road that takes you from one place to another. 

Mark Smith, our principal/physics, chemistry, geometry, algebra, Bible teacher/counselor/mentor at Hebron Christian School, told us many times "not to be led down the 'primrose path.' " Evidently he knew his Shakespeare too. 

"Do not, as some ungracious pastors do,

   Show me the steep and thorny way to heaven,

                                             Whiles, like a puff'd and reckless libertine,

                                            Himself the primrose path of dalliance treads, 

                                     And recks not his own rede." - Shakespeare's Hamlet

This "path" is also mentioned in Macbeth:

"the primrose way to the everlasting bonfire" (2.3) 

                                       i.e., the broad and attractive road to destruction.

After receiving Wyndi's text today, I got to thinking about the path I've taken over these past 20 years since I graduated from that little school. Yes, this is my 20 year reunion. There is only one problem with that- I was the only senior that year. We attended a very small school, and by the time I reached my last year, the rest of my "class" had gone elsewhere to finish. Still, I had a graduation ceremony, all for me, which lasted about an hour!

   

Needless to say, there wasn't a reunion for me to attend this year. No need. I have one everyday!

But, as I thought about these past years that have flown by, I considered the paths I have wandered down. I was alone on this journey only for only a few of these 20 years, having married at age 22. There were many times, though, that I chose a path of ease, one that seemed broad and appealing but brought destruction at its end. A path of jealousy, bitterness, gossip, lust, laziness, envy.

I also wondered about those same friends who heard Mr. Smith's words over and over, as Wyndi and I did. What paths have they taken? Where are they now? Did they choose the narrow path or take the broad way that the Bible speaks of? Do they even remember these truths that we were taught?

Our literal paths have led us to different places, but I told Wyndi long ago (about 20 years) that a cord connects our hearts; and no matter where our roads lead, we will always have that to tie us together. It was that connection that caused her to send me the text this morning. (BTW, thanks for your research and the whole Shakespeare thing!)


I saw this picture posted on her husband's facebook page and asked to steal it. I also asked if she took "Primrose Lane" and did it lead her to this place?! If so, I was tempted!

No, Mr. Smith would be proud. She didn't have to take that road to end up here. In fact, figuratively speaking, had she taken the "Primrose" exit, it would look far different from this scenery.

But here, where the narrow path leads, is that which is perfect peace. Where the "Son" shines bright. Where, yes, sometimes the terrain is bumpy, but it is spotted with the green grass of His grace and mercy. Where we can rest in His sovereign shade.(Ps. 121:5) Where, as the ocean seems endless, so is His love.(Jer. 31:3) Where the waves consistently crash against the shore, reminding us of His loud, mighty strength and at the same time, of His gentle voice and touch. Where His thoughts of us out-number the grains of sand.(Ps. 139:18)

As you reflect over the past years of your life, which path have you taken? Which path are you on? If it's "Primrose," it's not too late to turn around.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

That word is in the Bible?

Well, as I finished up cleaning and getting Peyton's room ready for Nana and Papa (we don't have a guest room), I guess the Lord continued to speak to me. I really was thinking as I cleaned about why He keeps on using cleaning as my "inspiration" (a.k.a. conviction!) for my writing lately. What is in my life that this applies to? What needs cleaned out? 

From a quick point of view, my house looks clean. I didn't get to our bedroom like I wanted. Figured I'd just shut the door on that one. Then I went to the linen closet to get sheets for the bed. The closets- a different story. I hope my mother-in-law, my mama, or no one looks in my closets! Tis true of the closets of our hearts. What is behind closed doors?

Then, as I walked many, many times back and forth, my eyes settled on this:

Yes, that is a litter box. Yes, we do have a cat. No, it doesn't stay inside. In fact, I shall dare not say just how long it has been since that cat stayed inside. Suffice it to say, we were feeling sorry for it on some cold nights.......(Yes, I am ashamed.)

I have looked at it almost every time I've walked through the dining room, which is everyday, multiple times a day. And yet, it continues to sit there. I'm not sure what actually is in it- the cat wasn't inside much. But still..... Often, I would think, "I need to get rid of that." But do nothing about it. 

A litter box.....(still ashamed).

And like a slap in the face, God spoke. A litter box. A representation of that which is disgusting. Sitting right in the middle of my "clean house." 

I think the analogy is self-explanatory. But, to be sure, I found scripture. You'd be surprised how many times the word "dung" is used in the Bible.

Philippians 3:8

The Message (MSG)

^7-9 The very credentials these people are waving around as something special, I’m tearing up and throwing out with the trash—along with everything else I used to take credit for. And why? Because of Christ. Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung. I’ve dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by him. I didn’t want some petty, inferior brand of righteousness that comes from keeping a list of rules when I could get the robust kind that comes from trusting Christ—God’s righteousness.

Again- Jesus words. Not mine. What is it that is in my heart, that I consider "righteousness of my own?" (v. 9) That which is like waste, filth in His eyes? My eyes are wet and my heart is convicted even as I type. 

Lastly, as I walked through my "clean house," I realized it is not immaculate. No, on my own it will never be. Try as I may, it will never be spotless. Neither will my heart be, except for God's grace and my confession. Then, it will be pure, cleansed by the blood of the Lamb. 
I found that the word "clean" or a form of it is found 176 times in the Bible. Here are a few.....

Ephesians 5:25-27

"....... just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."

^{Hebrews 9:14 (The Message)-}

If that animal blood and the other rituals of purification were effective in cleaning up certain matters of our religion and behavior, think how much more the blood of Christ cleans up our whole lives, inside and out. Through the Spirit, Christ offered himself as an unblemished sacrifice, freeing us from all those dead-end efforts to make ourselves respectable, so that we can live all out for God.

"Oh, precious is the flow, that makes me white as snow. No other fount I know, nothing but the blood of Jesus."

Again Lord?

Again Lord? 
He must really be trying to teach me something about cleaning. Or either He has a great sense of humor! 
My in-laws are coming tonight, to spend the night-which is fine- I love my in-laws! But, there's a different kind of cleaning you have to do when your in-laws are visiting. It's different than if my mama comes. I'm not sure why, but it is. Maybe it's a pride thing, because I want my mother-in-law to be pleased with the choice her son made in a wife.  I have even said before, at other times when they were coming for a visit, that I needed to straighten things up, so at least it will "appear" that I have it all together, especially during the school year- which I so do not!  So, as I busied myself this morning with getting things in order, I found spots and scum, dirt and dust that I had "missed" when I had cleaned just three days ago. It was the little things that I had just "gotten use to" and overlooked, not even realizing it's there anymore. You know these things: handprints or door frames, those little spots on the mirrors, the dreaded microwave or refrigerator handle- don't even get me started on blinds and windows! I even found traces of dog hair and the dog has been gone for over a month (that will be a later blog I'm sure!)

Now even if my mother-in-law did see all these things, unseen to me if I had not been cleaning, she would never say anything about it. And trust me, she's seen the good, bad and ugly!
But, I know they are there-hence the last minute scrubbing and dusting taking place today!

In school, when kids have a disagreement or something happens that I did not witness, I often said the to them, "You know in your hearts what happened." As for the grit and grime, we also know in our hearts what is there, if we are a child of God- those things that we seem to "overlook" and don't wipe away. A spot of judgmental attitudes. A stain of slander. A dusting of dirty thoughts. 
Even things like the dog hair. The "dog" may be gone from our lives, but the evidence that it had been there is still around. Sin has consequences. Sometimes we have a big mess to clean up; sometimes it's those little things that don't really seem like a big deal, that we leave alone and grow accustomed to in our lives. We straighten things up just enough to "appear" that we have it all together, spiritually. What we are left with is similar to what Jesus spoke of here:

Matthew 23:26-28

New International Version (NIV)

 Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.

 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.

Those are His words, not mine. Just speaking what He evidently is trying to say to me! Now back to cleaning.....

Today, I let them go.

Our painted lady butterflies began hatching on Wednesday, the last day of school. I was so excited that the kids got to see them after they emerged from their cocoons. They were not all out by the time the bell rang, though, so I waited until today to release them.
There was one that did not make it, and another that had not been ready to make his temporary home when the rest of them did. He was a "late-bloomer," and had needed a little more time. Since they had been in a cup as caterpillars, once they attached to the paper in the lid, we removed them and pinned it to the side of the butterfly net. This one little guy was a little slower, so I placed a paper towel on top of the cup, hoping he would make it. Within the next day or two he had climbed to the top, hung upside down, and began his transformation process-just on a different time table than the rest of his friends.

Today, before I closed my classroom door for the last time this year, I took them outside to our school's garden to let them go. I unzipped the little side pocket, and let one light on my finger, then eased it out the side. I then realized the whole top of the netted cage would open, making their release much easier.

One by one, the found their way to the top and reached the vast world around them. The very last one was slower to find his way, so I guided him to the top. The "late-bloomer" was still in the process of transformation, so I carefully placed him on a tomato plant, hoping he finds his way in another day or so.

As I watched the wings flutter in the breeze, with the sun shining above, I thought of several things:
First, I thought of my "babies" who I had released two days ago. My precious first graders. With the tragedy at Sandy Hook at Christmas, and then the recent Oklahoma tornadoes, it has been a hard year. These little lives that had been entrusted to me now needed to be released from their time with me, where I pray some transformation took place in their lives, both in academics and character. Tears were in my eyes and several of theirs on Wednesday, as we said our goodbyes. 
Next, I of course thought of all the seniors who walked across stages this week. A huge part of their transformation has taken place in their own homes and environments. Now it is time for them to spread their wings and fly, soaring to new heights and undiscovered lands. 
Then, I thought of those today who were honored at our luncheon today, serving a combined total of over 200 years of service in education. It was now their time to fly, and move on to whatever life brings them next. I thought about other teacher friends, who are leaving us for different reasons- marriage, transfers, or other callings. Each a beautiful "painted lady," fluttering to new flowers.
I thought of my own two little caterpillars, though, not really caterpillars anymore. They are in the process of changing and growing, and are both going to be hovering at the Middle School next year, which will be the first time on or both of them won't be "going to school" with me since they were babies. 

Finally, with tear filled eyes, watching these painted ladies flitter and float to places they had not been before, I thought back to the net with two zippers and the "late-bloomer" that I had placed on the tomato plant. 
All of it, a picture of life. Sometimes, many may "arrive" before others. Sometimes, it takes us a little longer to get to where we are going. Some leave the caterpillar stage, but never make it out of the cocoon. Physically speaking, God may not intend for us to. He does tell us our days were written before one of them came to be. Spiritually speaking, that is up to us. We may choose to stay in the chrysalis, never transforming into what God intends for us to be. If we do accept His extended hand of grace to us, bringing us out of our cocoons and changing us into the butterfly He planned, we will find ourselves in a net, (a.k.a, this world,) and there will always be two ways to fly- the narrow and the wide. 
The only butterfly that was able to get out of the narrow zipper was the one that was closest to it, and was able to grasp on to my finger. Those closest to the wide, top opening easily flew out with little help from me. 


Letting go. What does it look like in your life today?