Happy Birthday, Baby Pruitt!

Another year.......Wow. It's hard to believe it's now been 6 years. I've been singing a song all day that we sang at camp last week. "I Lift My Hands" by Chris Tomlin. It begins like this:

"Be still, there is a Healer.......His mercy, it is unfailing.....

I lift my hands to believe again, You are my refuge, You are my strength,

As I pour out my heart, these things I remember, You are faithful, God, forever."

I think it's pretty fitting for today. We sang it last week on the night Louie spoke of there being dark days in this story that God has put us in. One thing he said was "your worst day was going to be your best day." This was in context of the thief on the cross who believed Jesus was Who He said He was. Those few hours of agony would bring him to a "doorway where Christ's wounds would bring healing." He went on to say that "the cross is the concrete you stand on when the sky turns black" in our lives.

I can say that with confidence, six years out. It is because of the cross that there is any hope at all.Maybe I would have said it 1 or 2 years out- yeah, I would have. But even then, I wouldn't have known it like I do now, or even like I will as time goes on.

My favorite line of the song above is the chorus. "As I pour out my heart, these things I remember...." It reminds me of my Lamentations verses. "I remember it all, oh how well I remember, the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on HOPE. God's loyal love couldn't run out, his merciful love could't have dried up, they're created new every morning." Lam. 3:19-23

When I pour out my heart that can still sometimes be full of pain, I do remember. I remember how God was so gracious to us in so many ways, one of which is just allowing Pruitt to be born, and live with us for 33 days, when doctors had said at one time that may never happen. Yes, He is faithful forever, He is a Healer. I do lift up my hands to Him for He has been my strength. His mercies are unfailing, new everyday.

Thank You Lord, for blessing us with Pruitt!

Cat in a Cage

Growing up with outdoor pets, you'd think I wouldn't mind them so much. However, I've never been much for animals in the house. That changed somewhat a few months ago when we got a cat. Still not completely thrilled with it being in the house, we tried to get it use to being outside. That was our goal anyway, to make it an outside cat.

Last Friday, Jason noticed Shadow, (very original name, I know, for a black cat) was limping; so he took it to the vet. After X-rays, he concluded that she had a broken leg. We think she got hit by a car or either fell trying to get out of a tree! The choice then was to pay $600 for surgery, or kennel her for 6 weeks and hope that she heals on her own. NEEDLESS to say, we put her in a kennel. We need to put $600 on Peyton's teeth, not the CAT!

As I watched and listened to her lay in the "cage" crying, it got me to thinking of what cages we find ourselves in sometimes, due to hurts and broken places. A cage of bitterness, selfishness, anger, self-pity.

At times, I have found myself locked in a cage, wanting to try to just heal on my own. It's really a pitiful place, locked up with little room to move. You find yourself crying out, yet getting comfortable there because you know if you move too much, it just causes more pain. Eventually, the cage becomes a new "home," a new place of comfort. You hear all that goes on around you, and know that there are those out there that care for you, but because you have chosen to "heal on your own," there is a locked door that keeps you from their love.

The other choice we have would to be to let the Great Physician unlock the door and perform His "surgery" on us. Yes, it can be costly. It may cost us our pride, our comfortable place. It may involve Him asking us to let go of our way of doing things.

His is the only way we can truly heal. "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

Divine Appointments

"Anyone who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." James 4:17

I have to confess that there have been many times when I felt the Lord pressing on me to do something, but I didn't. I walk away in those times wondering "What if........if I had just obeyed."

Tonight was one of the times I think I did listen. I don't say that to boast, not AT ALL. But I say it to tell this story, and give glory to God. I pray you see Him lifted up in it.

I went to the hospital today to see my Uncle Roger, who was injured in the tornado last week in Smithville. He was found is a muddy field last Wednesday, not long after the storm came thru. Today he was admitted to the ICU. Please continue to be in prayer for him and my family.

As I sat there, I noticed a lady sitting alone. I asked my cousin if she was with them, and she was not. As time went on, my dad asked her if she had family there. She said yes, that her father-in-law was killed in the tornado, and her mother-in-law was there in ICU. The room was silent for a few seconds when everyone heard her tell of their loss. A while later, her children and husband came in. I found out he was an only child, and was trying to make arrangements for his father's funeral, as well as clean up the debris and missing things from his parents house. When I first saw the lady sitting alone, my heart went out to her. Here we had a ROOM FULL of family and friends and she had no one, apart from 2-3 people that came and went. I then felt God softly say, "You need to go pray with her." I thought, what will my family think.....I don't know her........I don't want to intrude.......All the excuses......

My mom talked briefly to her after they had returned from seeing her mother-in-law. Her mother-in-law had many, many broken bones and cuts.

As we were about to get ready to leave, I leaned over to my daddy and said, "Can we go pray with them? I just feel like we need to." So we did. My daddy lead the prayer.

After that, I went over to pray with my own family, and daddy kept talking to this family. As I was done, my dad went to introduce this family to my Aunt Pam. As it "just so happened", this man was the man who found my uncle!! UNBELIEVABLE! He left Uncle Rod with another man, while he went on to search for his own parents, hearing his mom screaming, and then finding his own father, who never made it to the hospital. My aunt broke down crying, because she had no idea who had found her husband. She had wondered this for these past few days. My dad would have not struck up this conversation with this man had we not prayed with them, I don't think. It was just a God thing.

Another man was in the waiting area, and he was all cut up. I imagine he was a survivor of the storm. I am such an emotional person, and the sorrow in a room like that is hard to take sometimes. The reality of the storm hit home, even more so. My heart goes out to these affected by last weeks storms. It's so easy to stay in our little circles, and forget all the hurt around us. I pray when God prompts me to move, I will be obedient always.

Please pray for the Cox family, and my family, the Curry's.

Little Red Riding Hood (spoiler warning!)

I love movies. I love movies that keep you guessing until the end! This was one of those. However, my first guess of who the "BIG BAD WOLF" was ended up being correct! The writers did a good job of making you think it could have been any one of the main characters, even Granny.

After I pegged the dad to be the the wolf, the twists and turns kept bringing doubt. Maybe it was Peter, the handsome lover of Valerie. That would have been more true to life, spiritually. Satan, who seems lovely to the eye and disguises himself as an angel of light, does use his charm to try to woo us.

Or, at times it seemed to be Henry, the one Valerie had been arranged to marry.

But, in the end, it was her father. The evil one was among them the whole time, yet no one in the village suspected it. He sought revenge on his community because he felt betrayed by his wife, who's heart really belonged to another. Valerie's father wanted not to take her life, but in essence, to take her soul, making her like him. If she'd let him bite her, then she too could become like him. In the end, Peter came to her rescue, but not without consequence. He was bitten, and left her until he could learn to control the power within him.

As I was watching, I was reminded of a Ted Dekker book, Emmanuel's Veins. It's similar, but with much more of a spiritual application, only using vampires instead of werewolves.

Even so, I was reminded of the evil one that lurks around us. Sometimes he does come in the form of something that seems so beautiful and harmless. At other times, I think he is around us and we don't even realize it. Even though he cannot touch our souls, I know he is busy doing whatever he can to attack us, to distract us, to keep us from doing the opposite of what God would have us do. As Beth Moore said in a previous study, we can't choose to be in the war but we can choose if we're going to be a warrior or not.

So put on your red cloak, carrying the blood of the Lamb that now runs through our veins. You will walk thru the deep, dark woods; you will climb steep mountains. In the end, we will overcome by the blood of the Lamb. (Rev. 12:11)

"When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall." Psalms 27:2

The Date Debate

So, Presley and I were driving back from Olive Branch, listening to a little Taylor Swift. "Fifteen" came on, and she let me know she would be 15 in only 8 years (really, 7 but I'll take 8!) We weren't really debating could she date. Ryan Fontenot said once that if you were not responsible enough to keep your room clean, you weren't responsible enough to date. So, if that's the case, Presley probably won't be dating till she's 30.

Anyway, listening to Taylor got me to thinking- (I would have LOVED her if she'd been around when I was a teenager!)

The reason I would have liked her so much, is that I would have totally identified with her and most of her songs. As I was listening, I went back to when I was just fifteen, and would have probably cried myself to sleep listening to "White Horse." I wanted to be the princess and have the prince come in on the white horse. When I was 16, I thought he had, only to be left crying in the castle. Around 17, I might have been singing the one about either burning some pictures or telling him not to call after I'd figured out the lies. I could go on............

I remember making myself even more miserable after a 'break-up" by going and intentionally finding the love songs that would make me cry the hardest. I was a glutton for punishment! (Granted, I do love 80's music to this day, especially some Journey or Chicago!)

Of course I didn't realize it then, but now I see how low my self-esteem was and how much I thought I HAD to have a boyfriend to be something. At times, especially 8th-9th grade, it seemed all my friends did, but I felt like the ugly duckling, or ugly step-sister and would never find "wuv, twu wuv!"

Why I thought I needed to find true love at the age of 15, I don't know. Or even 16, 17 or 18.

I see so much of this in girls today. They are sometimes consumed with the idea of love, like I was. I don't think I really ever learned that I could be me, or who God would have wanted me to be without having all that drama. It sure wasn't necessary. Instead, it caused a lot of hurt and pain, mostly for me. Our high school principal, Mark Smith, use to tell us that we're just giving little pieces of our hearts away in dating around so much. I really didn't want to hear that, and remember one instance, refusing to. Even if you never give anything away physically, you still do damage emotionally.

So, I say all of this, to anyone who may be like I was. Save yourself in every way for the one God has for you for life. Give yourself instead, to HIM while you wait. He is the one who loves you more than you can possibly imagine.

I think I'll probably discourage Presley from listening to Taylor- and maybe we won't get to cleaning her room over spring break!

Further Still.........

So, it's been awhile, again. I should be doing school work or getting a head start on spring cleaning.....

I can't seem to get away from the past 3 weeks of our David Bible study. Guess that's a good thing, huh?

I'll start with last weeks, and maybe I'll eventually get around to the others!

Last week's video came after we'd just found out Jonathan died. (Jonathan as in David's friend, not anyone I know personally!!) I have to say, I was a little teary eyed after reading that passage. I mean, I knew it was coming- just an emotional week I guess!

Anyway- The video was about going Further still with God. Beth gave 5 ways to know if this season you are in is one where you are being called to go "further still?"

Here are those five ways:

1. Further still....when you are overwhelmed with sorrow.

2. Further still....when you desperately need to wrestle with the will of God.

3. Further still....when nobody else gets it.

4. Further still....when the most serious matters of your life need settling.

5. Further still....when life can't be the same but the pain can bring gain.

Can we go further still without having these prerequisites? I asked our group and they pretty much agreed that no, you couldn't. I could not help but apply each of these to our season with Pruitt. I felt each of these things. Especially #1, #2, and the first part of #5. Under point #1, she mentioned that the word for overwhelmed in Matt. 26:38 meant "grieved all around." "It suggests a sorrow so deep it almost kills."

Under #2, in struggling with the will of God, she talked about the fact that God does not say no lightly. The text was Jesus in the Garden of Gesthemene, and Jesus praying for the cup to pass. God's no to Jesus was salvation for us. When we ask to "let this cup pass from me" sometimes God's answer may be no. It was for us. I did not want to drink from that cup of suffering. But God said "No." Under #5, she mentioned that God does not do things on a whim-if there is such pain, then there is a greater "yes." Again, if no is the answer He has, then there is a greater reason for that, and ultimately a greater purpose, your purpose, my purpose, that would not be possible had that cup not been given to you, to me.

I know that had we not gone through the things we did, I would not have seen a working of God that I did. No, we did not get a miracle, at least not in the world's eyes. But, we did-we got time with our precious baby boy that doctor's said at first would never even happen. He did things they thought he would never do. The list goes on and on.............

The further still part? Well, like I said, I do think I went further still to a place in which there was no other way to get there. Sometimes, I even long to go back to that "place." No, not to the circumstances which caused the pain, or even to the pain, itself, but just to that holy, sovereign place with the Lord. It really is indescribable, unless you've been.

That's not to say that I always went "further still." I think we can be at any one of the five places mentioned above, and easily NOT go further. It is a choice we have. I always said I want to make the right choice with this, (even now), to glorify God in it, and in doing so, honor Pruitt's life. But I KNOW (because of those other 2 studies!!, for one reason!) that I have not always made that choice. There have been days I've been mad, asked "why me?", and let the sorrow overtake me. There have been times when I say "they DON'T understand" and I turn #3 into a pity party. There are times when I feel like the matters (#4) of my life have been settled, only to dig it back up again, and start over with the wrestling. I think it is an ongoing battle sometimes.

Either way, I have gone further still, and sometimes I've made the choice to stop in my tracks on the course God has for me.

I pray that more often than not, I will be found pressing on, running the race, and in the process, discover exactly what God's purpose is for me- even when life can never be the same as it once was.

Being Held,

Jenn

My Top Ten List

I have always been a fan of countdowns. I can remember sitting in the "heater room" at my Nanny and Papaw's with my cousins or listening to the top 100 songs of the year, recording my favorites, or the top 40 countdown while playing Monopoly with my brother. Right now on my DVR you will find the top 40 country songs of the decade.

So, as we are at the end of a decade, I decided to make a "Top 10 List" from 2000-2010. It is hard to put them in order of importance, aside from the last 3 but I'll have to say all have been some sort of event that has changed or molded my life in some way. So, here goes:

10. In 2001, by faith I finished out the year, and quit my first job as a teacher. We were truly stepping out on faith that we could make it on Jason's salary but I was so thankful and blessed to be able to stay home with Peyton and just work part-time. God provided!

9. Throughout 2001-02, I was enjoying my time with Peyton but Jason's schedule was one that kept him away a lot. As the schedules conflicted, and all that comes with being a new mom unfolded, I began to get very discouraged and just found myself being discontent. God placed Melanye in my life, at first as a mentor, but she has grown to become a very dear friend.

8. 2003 - We sold our house, quit our jobs and moved in with Jason's parents. (and I was pregnant!) We both went to work at DAC, and stayed with my in-laws for 7 months. It was a huge learning time for me to wait on God's timing and again, His provision, and a special time for preparation of what was next.

7. Illinois - 2003-2007- There's too much to write about these years in our lives, but when you move that far away from everything you've ever known, it causes you to appreciate what you have and totally depend on each other and the Lord.

6. Nashville- Ok, this one may seem silly, but over this past decade, Nashville has become one of our favorite cities. (However, we don't get to too many other cities,so maybe it wins by default!) Either way, we have been able to take many trips there, some for fun, some for Youth Minister conferences, but always enjoy a refreshing time away, and I also got to reconnect with a long, lost friend there!!! Love you, Amy!

5. Donya- I have no doubt that God planned for two southern girls to be in Illinois at the same time. Donya has been a friend who was there at the worst moment of my life. I cannot even put into words what she means to me other than saying that God sent her there, and knew that she'd be there to walk with me thru the sunshine and the rain. I love you, my friend. We'll always find something to celebrate!

4. 2008 & 2010 - Ecuador: I was able to take my first mission trip out of the country in 2008. I overcame my fear of flying!! What a life changing event! Unless you've been, you cannot describe it. I was able to go back this past year and will never forget this experience. I hope to get to go back!!

3. Over the past 10 years, God has slowly worked in me in spite of myself and allowed me to lead ( I prefer the word facilitate) several Bible studies. It started at Trinity when I SO did not feel like I should be leading those awesome college students; Then I had such a sweet, vivacious, and crazy Bible study group in Chatham, that I miss so much!! Now, here, I am still "facilitating" groups here, and God constantly slaps me in the face with each one we do!!

2. I count it an honor and privilege to be able to minister along side Jason. I know not everyone gets to do what we do, and we have so many "spiritual" children that we've been able to watch grow up. It is a blessing to be able to serve in the places that we've been in. I am grateful for each one and each person we've met along the way.

1. Probably the number one thing of this past 10 years is the birth of our three children. Peyton, 2000; Presley, 2003; Pruitt, 2005. I am blessed and pray I never take that for granted. My lifelong dream was to be a wife and mother, and I am so thankful that God has graciously answered that prayer. Each one of our children have a story of their own. Peyton, our little man- I can't believe he is 10 years old. He gave his heart to Jesus this year. What a praise! Presley, our sweet girl- to know her is to love her! She has such a big heart, and constantly makes us laugh. I can't wait to see how God uses her. Our baby Pruitt- his story is another whole list in itself. The things God did and continues to do thru him amazes me. I look forward to see how God will work in all three over the years to come.

"I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."

Psalms 16:2