Not Gray: It's black or white.

Part of this will be a re-post from a couple of years ago.

I debated again about writing about this. I mean- there's been ump-teen (is that even how you spell that?) articles posted about the 50 Shades movie. All that I have read have been well written, and follow my thoughts about it- So why write one more?

Here's why.
I read on a page tonight, posted by a teen, of how she needed a "Christian Gray" in her life. WHAT!!??
MY. HEART. SANK.

What on earth? How is it that this is the model of what a young (very young) woman would want in a man?  I haven't read the book- but I've read enough about it to know that he is not what a godly man looks like. Is he even what a good man looks like? 

But here's my problem, in context of this situation.
Moms, aunts,  young women, older women,  those of us who can be mentors to our teen girls- what message are you and I sending to them when we condone, and participate in movies and books as such- and play it off as entertainment?

I will be the first to admit there have been things that I should not have watched. I'll also tell you that unfortunately those images are burned in my mind to this day.

I will also confess- wonder if I'm alone- that even as messed up as the movie is, there is a temptation that calls out to me when I see the previews. It is designed to lure us in. Even if for some reason there was someone who had no clue what the movie was about, the trailer stirs within you a desire to want to know. No, I don't want to see it, nor will I see it. That doesn't remove the whisper of the darkness though.  The whisper is so real, that the other night I dreamed I went to see the movie.
It's infiltrated my sleep. But that is the way the darkness works. It gets in our head. It parades as light, as entertainment. It begins with temptation, then sin, and eventually death. "But each person is tempted when he is drawn away and enticed by his own evil desires. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and when sin is fully grown, it gives birth to death." James 1:14-15

Back to my original debate- our young girls. It is hard enough to try to live a godly life as an adult. Try being fifteen. Look at what society tells them is normal, natural. Worse than that, when my first graders are using words like "sexy" and "humping," I know we are way off from what morality and our homes should look like. And now, for some reason not just women, but also teenage girls have the idea that they need a "love" in the form of Christian Gray.

Oh, we need Jesus.

I need Jesus, everyday.

Ladies- and men, if it applies- what message are you sending to those who are looking up to you? To those who are watching what you do and say? I promise, they are looking and listening.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Here's the repost:

A few nights ago, I woke myself up from a nightmare. If you know me very well, you'll know I have weird dreams. So, this night was like most, only I rarely have nightmares. I was dreaming that I was driving into some camp-like setting. Next thing I remember, we're at a pond at my parents. There's a tree growing by the the pond, a dirt hill, and more water on the other side of the hill. Coming up beside the tree is a python- a big one.  This particular python was swallowing a raccoon, if I remember correctly. I ran, needless to say, as it crossed over the hill, to the other side of the water. There, my daddy and I were standing on the edge, where some roots or something "snaky looking" was also in the water. There was another snake nearby. Then, the scary part- Presley was in the water; she was very little in my dream. The next thing I remember, she went down behind the roots, and before I finally woke up, I was trying to scream to my daddy, "Go get her! Go get her!" I knew that snake was headed in her direction.
I woke myself and Jason up, as I was making that noise. As I was in the middle of waking/dreaming, I remember trying to get my daddy to get her, only it was as if I had my mouth taped. I couldn't get the words out, and he couldn't understand what I was saying.


Before I get to the rest of this blog, let me start by saying I have often thought certain "snakes" were just "sticks." There have been plenty of times where something seemed harmless and I picked it up, only to realize later I'd been bitten. That is just how the snake, the devil, works. So, guilty I am. I've held the snake of bitterness, pride, jealously, lust, envy, slander, gossip..........when Satan had made them only look like harmless, lifeless sticks........I've got no stones to throw. But, if someone saw a snake about to come after me, bite me or begin to wrap around me, I would hope they would hear someone screaming, "Go get her!" like I was in my dream.

I have been very concerned over the summer's rage in books and movies. Even as I type, I have mixed feelings of how to convey my feelings yet not come across judgmental. I feel these are just some of the tools Satan uses. He parades around as light, but his goal is to steal, kill and destroy. We justify so much, thinking it doesn't affect us.
I asked, "How do we balance not sounding judgmental, yet hold ourselves and others up to the standards to which we are called?" Are we just "fans" of Christ, or "followers?"

These are hard questions I'm having to ask myself.

The Lord has convicted me of some of these "grey" areas, but really, there are no grey areas.
It's either darkness or light- those are not my Words.

I pray that God would put those people in my life, who will "come get me" when they see that I may be near a snake and not realize it. OR, when I'm near a snake and I DO realize it.

I pray for the love of God to help me "go get others" in danger.

"In reality just about anywhere you go in dense tropical habitats, there are many many snakes around you. But how often do you actually see the snakes? They are difficult to see because most snakes are "sit and wait" predators but also because they have great markings to help them hide from predators and prey." - thewildclassroom.com

To That Child.......

To that child.....

The one that is full of energy and enthusiasm. I wish I could bottle it up and sell it- we would be rich together. Your zest and zeal for life knows no end. I'm sure when you fall asleep at night your body quietly says, "thank you." Your mama probably does too. Yes, it sometimes is exhausting. But when I catch the spark in your eye, and the smile on your face, I can't help but smile back and think of how you might change the world with that fervor. 
I envy you.

To that child....
That one that never talks. Sometimes I wonder why? Is it because you are simply shy? Reserved? A wallflower? A rule-follower, afraid of getting in trouble? Or is you mind so full of anxieties, lost in a world of its own? Maybe there's so much you have seen, yet you are too afraid to voice it, for you know then it becomes even more truth over your life. 
I wish you would talk to me, tell me all the reasons why. 
I am a great listener.

To that child....
The attention seeker. You are demanding of my every minute. You long to be seen, and will do whatever it takes for my eyes to be on you. If you had it your way, you'd probably be okay to be the only one in my class. You might be the star of your family, the entertainer, the show-stopper. Others like you may defy every "rule" in place, simply because you want to be noticed. Because maybe that's the only way you are noticed at home. It took me a long time to understand you, and even still, I don't. Why would you act out, knowing there are consequences? Yet, I've found myself in that same place before. Longing for attention, from someone that I can trust, who loves me. I relate to you.
You, too are a star. Shine bright!

To that child...
The one with baggage, too much baggage in your six years. I never know how you may respond to things. Sometimes you cry, sometimes you put up a wall. Sometimes you tell me about all that stuff you carry around, a burden that you don't even realize is heavy yet. Your tears may fall as I tell you I love you. Or you may just look at me, not sure if you can really believe me, for love looks strange to you- and others have failed you, those you thought loved you. Your world is unstable. You may not know where your next meal will come from. You may fall asleep in class because of what went on the night before. Or you may tell me you love me too, because you long for someone to be able to say that to, and know it's reciprocal. You don't have to carry those bags by yourself. 
I ache for you.

To that child...
The defiant one. I have wondered what happened? What took place that brought on so much anger inside you already? How have you felt wronged so much in your short life that you are ready to take on the world with fists flying? I try to see past the rage and resentment to a place deep inside you, a place crying out for help. You don't even know that you need help, but with me in your corner, maybe we can break through-bring you to a place where you can allow that same fight in you to be used for good. Then you really can take on the world. 
I have hope for you.

To that child...
The one with insecurities. You double check. You feel like you have to compete. You struggle. You think you can't succeed. You compare yourself to others, and fail to see the strength inside. Instead, you listen to the voices of the enemy spoken through other's tongues. You feel you have no purpose.
You hear Failure. Ugly. Poor. Inadequate. Dumb. I say you are Successful. Beautiful. Rich. Enough. A Genius. There is a plan for your life. Don't listen to the lies.
I have been you.

To all of you-
If I were being honest, you are what makes me want to quit some days. And yet, you are the very thing that won't let me. You are what keep me coming back. Not Math. Not Reading. Not the paycheck. Not summer break (although, I do like that part.)

Every year, the struggle is real over whether or not I'll be back the next August. 
Even tonight, I wonder this. How much longer can I do this? It is EXHAUSTING. I don't know how to be all things to all these little ones. 
But, I try. Sometimes I succeed, and many days I fail.


We will struggle together. We will fight together. We will be quiet together. I'll carry your burdens in my heart. We will strive to be stars- to shine brightly. And on days when the serpent of insecurity rears its ugly head in my own life, I'll remember that it's just a lie. I'll remember that I have a purpose. A purpose to point you to the True Star, the One that loves you, baggage and all, the One who knows the thoughts of your heart that you never voice; the One that has already taken on the world for you and won; The One that will dry all your tears, and is a Father to the fatherless. 

So, for this chapter, this year in your life called "First Grade," and this season in my life, you are my purpose.
You are why I'll be there tomorrow.

Welcome 2015

I wish I could say I had some great epiphany that inspired today's blog. 
I didn't. No revelation. Just reflection.
Reflection as we end one year and begin another.
As a teacher, my "New Year's Eve" really feels like the  night before the first day of school- more of an August to August calendar. 
Even so, I still enjoy looking back, counting down, reminiscing over the past 365 days. I've never been one to really make resolutions. I never can keep them anyway.
So what is the point of this blog? Well, even as I type, I still don't know. 

But I do know this: I want to be different.

Yes, 2014 was a good year. Things I never imagined happened this past year, with the publishing of my book and being able to share Pruitt's story with so many. I pray that was only the beginning.

But there have also been hard moments of the past year. Big and little.
The loss of Jason's precious grandmother. 
Decisions. Disputes. Doctor appointments. Daily life.

It's the daily life that I want to be different. 
As I look back over the year, I ask myself what needs to change and why? Why am I unhappy in my job? Why do certain things bother me? Why is there a pang of discontentment hovering over me? How can I parent better? How can I be a better wife?

My considerations brought me to Galatians 5. 
16-18" My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God’s Spirit. Then you won’t feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways of life are antithetical, so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day. Why don’t you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence?"

There it is: self-interest. Isn't that the main root in us all? Selfishness. Even as far back as in the garden, it was Adam and Eve's selfish desires that brought about their sin. But here, it says so plainly, we cannot live based on how we "feel" one day or the next. Boy, do I try though. And it never works out very well!

The selfishness gets us nowhere. Nothing on this list is appealing in the long run:
19-21 "It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on."

Some things that stand out are "mental and emotional garbage, trinket gods, never satisfied, divided homes." Paul could go on and so could I.
Yet, these are the things that war against us day after day.

So what is the answer?

22-23 "But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely."

This might sound more familiar: "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." Are you singing the song now?

It's often intrigued me that God starts that list with "love." But in light of 1 Corinthians 13, it shouldn't come as a surprise. The greatest of these is love.
Oh, and it's also the second greatest command, just after loving God first with all of ourselves.

This is what I want. And it begins with love.
Not some kind of hippie-peace-love makes the world go 'round love. That love is temporary, based on feelings.

But the love of Christ. Eternal love. That love should overflow out of me, and to others. When it doesn't, it's because I'm being selfish.
Colossians 3 speaks of this also:
So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective.

Resurrection life= Daily life.
It's a struggle. It's "insanity" as Ted Dekker would say. 

It's a race. 

I want to run it well. One day at a time, mercies new every morning. 
I'm so thankful for His faithfulness, because I've given Him plenty of reasons to leave me. But He never has, and He never will. 

Welcome 2015. 

This is 40.

I can't sleep. This is 40? 
No. This is the 3:00 cup of coffee plus the 8:00 diet coke. And the fact that I've always been a night owl.
That hasn't changed.

As I lay in bed tonight, on what's left of my birthday, I thought back to turning 30. That one didn't bother me. This one......just sounds old.
I thought about the differences in once being 30 and now 40.

A four and one year old. That was 30.

Heaven help us- now a 14 and 11 year old. This is 40.

I was changing diapers, watching a lot of Blue's Clues. A new life was soon to be forming within me. Hormones- mine. A loving husband. A different state, a much colder birthday. A new friend that shared my birthday. A mini-van. Toby Mac and Faith Hill. Car seats. A VCR that was still hooked up- it played mostly Elmo, Ice Age, Toy Story. That was 30.

Now, iPads, iPods. A few PG-13 movies. A warm day in a different state. A closer drive to Mama's- better than 8 hours. Did I mention an 8th grader with a girlfriend? A sixth grader. Hormones- theirs and mine. Lecrae and Taylor Swift. New friends with same birthdays. Van long gone. This is 40.

Lightening McQueen and Dora the Explorer. Teaching preschool and then coming home to pre-schoolers. More diapers. Potty training. Making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches- a lot. They both had blonde hair, hers with a few curls. That was 30.

Driving their friends to and fro. He's in the youth group. She's about to be. I teach first grade. I come home to help with Algebra and Science homework. They make their own lunches. The both have brown hair, his with curls.
Developing study habits. Checking their text messages. Having to have "the talk". Did I mention hormones? This is 40.

Reading books to them, not much time to read what I wanted to. Late night TV- after they are asleep.
Me-short hair. Fewer wrinkles. Trying to adjust. 
My life falling apart. 
Planning the funeral of my baby. That was 30.

A coffee drinker. Published book. Finished reading 2 books over Thanksgiving break. Me-long hair. More wrinkles. Still trying to adjust. A loving husband. God bringing beauty from ashes. This is 40.

My life at 30 looked very different than it does today.  
Only ONE thing has stayed the same: the faithfulness of my Lord. I have strayed- at thirty and forty, and all in-between. 
But He has been faithful. His mercies have been new every day. 
I am so grateful for His providence, sovereignty, and protection over us, especially for the past 10 years. There is no doubt that His grace has been sufficient.

I live in the fact that it will continue to be. 
This is 40.

Run XC!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith." Hebrews 12:1-2

 We have recently become members of the XC family. XC stands for cross country, incase you didn't know. (I didn't!) 
With each race, I learn more: 
    > Evidently it's important to eat spaghetti a couple nights before a race. Carb loading helps give you the glycogen needed to produce extra energy. Experts say it can prevent you from "hitting the wall" in a race. Personally, I would hit the wall whether I ate noodles or not!

    > If someone touches you while you are running, you are eliminated.

    > Even as much as I LOVE my Saturday mornings, I look forward to race days now!

    > It feels like a little family.

    > Every week, the terrain looks different. Some races are hot, some are pleasant. 

Today as we were watching our varsity girls, I snapped this picture:

We were there, cheering them on. Some were calling out individual's names, yelling "You got this!! Go!! You can do it!"

As I was looking down the track, immediately I thought of the verse I posted above. 
"...we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses....." 

I wondered, "Is this kind of what it looks like from Heaven?- those great heroes of the faith, cheering us on. Moses, David, Job, the Woman at the Well, Zacchaeus, the once blind man, Paul. But then what about Grandmother, Grandaddy, Nanny, Granny, Mrs. Mary, Kim, Marla, Holly, Austin....the list could go on and on. All of them, cheering us on, telling us to not give up, you can do it.

As I read more about this passage, I see that we find encouragement from the testimony of those witnesses. Their faith is now made sight.

The writer of Hebrews says to "strip off that which easily entangles us."
In the races I've seen so far, it seems it never fails that someone loses a shoe, or both shoes. If it's tripping them up, they just leave them on the course. Some have removed a strap on their jersey -(is it called a jersey in XC? I'll have to check on that!) 

We are strongly encouraged to remove and throw off those things (sins) which trip us up. 
As we run the race, we can find strength in knowing those heroes are cheering for us, but more than that, Christ is with us.  Verse 3 continues by saying, "Consider the life of the One who endured such personal attacks and hostility from sinners so that you will not grow weary or lose heart."

We need encouragement as we run this race. In the XC races, you will find "cheerleaders" all along the way. We can find that through friends, through collective worship with fellow believers, through the God-inspired Scripture.

I have been so proud of Peyton since he started running. He has done well- but even so, I had a conversation with him recently which really can be summed up in part of those Hebrews verses: "..fix our eyes on Jesus."
XC is not eternal. Medals, PR's (personal records), trophies, T-shirts, whether you were first or last- none of it is going to matter in light of eternity. 

And we should all be running XC, across this country, in our towns and neighborhoods, encouraging others in the race, and helping others join the family. Carb-load on the Word of God! There will be sacrifices to make (just like giving up my Saturdays.)
Run with endurance the race- whether steep, hot, muddy or rocky-that is marked out for you!!

Your Roots Are Showing

     root

- 

noun

a part of the body of a plant that develops...... and grows downward into the soil, anchoring the plant and absorbing nutriment and moisture.

One thing I love about summer and take most of the responsibility for is      mowing. I love it more, now that we have a riding lawn mower!

Our yard has several trees, and has somewhat of a slope to it. 

I've noticed the past several times that I've mowed, more roots seem to appear, and are steadily rising their heads above ground. Of course, this is due to rain after rain. 

e·rode

 

verb (used with object), e·rod·ed, e·rod·ing.

1.

to eat into or away; destroy by slow consumption or disintegration

As storms sweep through over time, whether strong or mild, the dirt gradually erodes away, exposing those roots.

This is a problem for me as I mow; I fear running over one of them and ruining our lawn mower, for starters! I might get fired from my job if that happens!

So, I have to dodge the roots, making my job more difficult. Even with the push mower, I cannot just run over them. These roots are pretty strong!

While mowing a couple of weeks ago, it occurred to me that this is a picture of life when the storms come.

Storms are meant to expose our roots. Don't believe me? 

Trials and Temptations

James 1:2-4

New International Version 

^2-4 Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

Not my words :)

As the rain falls, it sometimes erodes all that is around us. It tries to destroy and consume that which is comfortable to us. It can eat away at those things in our lives like our joy. 

Yet bursting through, our roots can show!

They can hinder Satan from doing the job that he tries to do. Yes, he may hit one with the blade of his lies, but when we are deeply rooted in the word, he cannot destroy us. 

I'm reminded of Psalms 1:1-3

 Blessed is the one
    who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
    or sit in the company of mockers,
 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and who meditates on his law day and night.
 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—

    whatever they do prospers.

One version says like a tree "firmly planted." 

I know some people like this. The storms have ravaged their lives, eroding away what was "normal," and now they face a "new" normal. Yet, out of the mud and mire their roots burst forth. They are firmly planted, and their  roots of faith are evident. That's not to say it was easy or they never got scraped by the blades. But, through the storms, they have stood tall. (Psalms 40- He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.)

Oh, I pray my roots will always show!

(Speaking of, I've got to go hi-light my hair now.)

³ 

Rainbow Bright

I woke up this morning with no clue that I would drive through a storm today. It was a beautiful day in my neighborhood, sunny days, sweeping the clouds away......
My "plans" were interrupted when Jason's mom called that Presley was sick. Let me back up. This is "Camp Nana" week. "Camp Nana" is when the grandkids come to Nana's for "camp."
It's legit. There's a schedule. There's worship, recreation, crafts, snack, science (just added this year!), and of course free time. 
So, my four days of kid-free-ness ended when she called to tell me Presley was sick, running fever, throwing up, etc, etc. 

I looked at the weather radar (because I'm old like that) before I headed out of town to go get her, and I noticed some red and yellows on Tim Simpson's map. I was hoping it would miss the path I was traveling though.

As I approached Olive Branch, I saw a gray sky, spilt with a little break of lighter skies, but certain rain to the right. Then, the closer I got, the line of rain was evident as I could see where it wet the road I was traveling. As soon as I crossed the "line," the wipers went to the high setting, and my speed slowed to 35-40 mph, as I could hardly see the road. I nervously drove, with an 18 wheeler beside, maybe only a hundred or so yards before I could see a bright yellow circle shining through the gray. Then, before I knew it, I was stopped at a red light and it was only barely sprinkling. I thought to myself, as now the sun shone brightly ahead of me, "There's got to be a rainbow from that one." Driving on for about a half a mile or so, I glanced in my passengers side mirror, and there it was. As I approached another red light, I strained my neck to look out my window, and as I did, I saw the other end of the rainbow. I pulled over to take a picture.

I could see the whole thing, but couldn't get a good picture of it with my phone. 
The picture doesn't do it justice. It was so bright against the gray clouds.
I got back on the road, still going away from it, and thought about all the travelers heading in the opposite direction and what a sight they were seeing!

As I thought about these things, it of course made me think of storms we go through. 
I wasn't expecting a storm when I woke up this morning. Most of us don't expect those storms that come in our lives, either. 
As I approached it, the lighter area of sky I saw was where the sun was shining. Even as the clouds of tragedy, hurt and struggles seem to cover us sometimes, the Son is still there, still shining. 
Sometimes our storm gets so overwhelming, so intense, that we can't even see the road we're on, or the next step in front of us. Then, bursting through the darkness, the Son shines so brightly, making the way clear.

This next analogy is where the Lord spoke the loudest to me:

We can't see the rainbow until the sun (Son) hits our storm head-on. The sun has to come face to face with the rain in order for us to see the rainbow. 
I couldn't see the rainbow until I had passed through the storm, to the other side where the sun was shining. That rainbow was probably there while I was driving through that same storm; I just couldn't see it in the storm. 

Did I know the sun was there while driving in the downpour? Yes. 
Did I know the rain would eventually end? Yes.
Did I see the rainbow while driving in the downpour? No.

As I made my way out the other side of the storm, to sunny skies, it's very likely I might have never seen the rainbow, had I not been looking for it. 
I could've kept riding along, never looking back, and I would have missed it!!

But, yes, I knew I had been through a storm; yes, I knew the sun was shining on the other side, and I knew what that meant: there would be a rainbow.

And oh, how bright it was!! It's colors were vibrant against those gray clouds!

As I drove on, I thought about those travelers heading in the opposite direction as me. Even if I had not noticed the rainbow, they sure would have. I wonder how often we go through storms, and miss the rainbows; yet, others see us come out of a storm, and they share in the promises that could be ours, too, if we just look for them.

I look back over my storms. So many promises that I claim today are those that He made so brilliantly clear in the rainbows against the gray skies that were just barely behind me. 

As I was on the way back with Presley, I told her I had this idea for a blog and some of the little lessons I learned. 
She added, with fever and all, "You can't have a rainbow without rain."

How many rainbows have you missed seeing after your storms? Look for them!
They are probably there!

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

Hebrews 10:23