Late Night Cleaning

I can remember a night or two when I was around the age of 13 or 14, getting up after my parents had gone to bed. I wasn't trying to sneak out or anything; I would get back up to clean. I can remember like it was yesterday. I would move dishes ever so carefully, making sure I did not wake up my mama. I would sweep and mop to the fluorescent light above the sink. The kitchen was usually my main goal. We didn't have a working dishwasher, well, not electrically at least. My mama or I was usually the working dishwasher. So, I would mostly try to get the kitchen cleaned up, so she would be surprised when she awoke the next morning. I remember one occasion my cousin helping me; we did have an ulterior motive. I think we were wanting to go somewhere the next day!

Tonight, Jason left to go out of town, and the kids were finally asleep (I think.) Being the night owl that I usually am, I started my own late night cleaning. The fact that Jason is gone, combined with that cup of coffee I drank around 7:00, could mean I'm in for a long night! As I was trying not to make too much noise,  I was reminded of those nights as a teen. 

Then of course, the Lord began to speak to me. He REALLY seems to do that when I'm cleaning, in case you haven't noticed.

I was somewhat down this evening, and as Jason was leaving, he could tell. I really don't know why, I told him, other than the fact that I am just tired of myself. Sick and tired of feeling "sick and tired." 

As I began to look up Scriptures on being clean, these were some I found:

2 Peter 1:3-9- "His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.  Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins."

Another: Hebrews 10:22-23- " and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."

What is my point?

In the verses from 2 Peter, we are told that we have everything we need to live a life of godliness. It then gives us a list of characteristics to add to our lives: faith, goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, affection and love.

The school year is drawing to an end; kids and teachers alike are ready for a break; rainy days mean no recess; how many of those characteristics are found in my life? Umm.......

When own children won't do what I tell them to; when I'm driving, in a rush, because I'm already running late after yelling at my own children and the stinking carline is backed up; Am I self-controlled? Loving? Godly? ...Ugh......

Then in the Hebrews verses, we are told that He has been faithful to forgive; we have been cleansed. I was also reminded of the verse that says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

So again, what is my point? 

Well, just as my late night "house cleaning" was taking place, God was saying I needed a late night "heart cleaning." 

I have made the statement lately that I didn't like who I was; my own lack of patience disgusts me, with my own kids and those babies I spend most of my time with everyday. I can list more if you'd like. (There is that verse that says confess your sins one to another!)

Pride, slander, jealousy, lust, slothfulness, disobedience.....I could go on.

As I was pulling in to school this morning, the lyrics on the radio were blaring,

"Let them see You in me....."

That is my prayer, but man, do I really screw that up. I don't know what others see in me, but much of the time, I know it's probably not Jesus. As I thought back to those "babies," precious children, who are precious in the sight of God, do they see Jesus in me? Do my co-workers? Does Peyton and Presley? Jason? The rest of my family?

I had to spend a little time asking God to cleanse my heart tonight. So many of those things I confessed to you, and more I confessed to Him. 

"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 

Just as I have all the supplies necessary to spend the night cleaning up my house, He has given me and you EVERYTHING we need to live this godly life that He has called us to. 

It comes back to surrendering each day to Him, asking Him to walk with us. 

Back to those days as a teen, cleaning for my mama.........

I remember how excited I would be for her to wake up and be so surprised to find a clean kitchen.

However, I don't have to wait till morning for God to wake up and be surprised. He's already done the cleaning Himself. He just waited on me to ask Him to do it.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sin, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Oceans Deep

I wrote about "deeper waters" almost two years ago, before the song "Oceans" became popular. This scene is one off the coast of the Dominican on one of our trips to Haiti. 
After singing "Oceans" this past weekend, I've been reflecting on those lyrics. It has become one of my favorite songs. But, in light of tragedies that have taken place lately, and those in my own life, the words to this song take on "closer to home" meaning.
It reminds me of a time, not too long ago, when a song came out called "Bring the Rain." I remember REALLY having trouble with that song, mainly because of where I was in my life at that time. My thoughts were, "Why in the world would someone ask God to bring the rain in their life?" Knowing the pain I was in, it seemed preposterous to me. Who does that? Who says, "Yes Lord, bring on the pain, the hurt, the trouble, the loss." Even now, although I understand better the heart and message behind the song, I wonder how many of us pray that way. 

Yet, as I prepared to sing "Oceans," by Hillsong, I was hearing that same message. Mainly in the bridge, "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me." Wherever. NOT just to a place, but often to a pain.
"Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander....." Once we are there, we quickly realize it is a place that on our own will, our feet would have never taken us. Yet, a deep place, "in the mystery" -oh, what a mystery it is- where we see a side of His grace that we would not have seen, had we not entered this place.

As I reflect on my own loss, I have to honestly say I would have never sincerely prayed this prior to it happening. But I have learned since, that if He does again "call me out upon the waters, the great unknown, where feet may fail", I know that I will "find [Him] in the mystery, in oceans deep..."  
Because He's proven it before. He's "never failed, and won't start now." You and I can find Him there. In oceans deep. 

We can choose to trust that His "Sovereign hand will be my guide." Yes, our feet may fail. Yes, we are surrounded by fear. But if we find ourselves there, His Sovereign hand will lead us through. 

Jesus is in the Garden of Gethsemane in Matthew 26:38. He tells His disciples he is overwhelmed by sorrow. He asks for it to be taken away, to not have to face the waters ahead. Can the Jesus, the Son of God relate to me when I find myself surrounded by the sorrow, trying to "keep my eyes above the waves?"

I think so.
No, I know so.

Then, Jesus prays, "not as I will but as You will." 

In John 17, Jesus prays to God that His hour has come. He knows what is ahead. In verses 1-5, Jesus prays, understanding what that hour points to: the glory of God.

“Father, the hour has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.  I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do.  And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began."

When the hour comes for us, in which we find ourselves 
neck-deep in the waters of sorrow, suffering or loss, 
when our "trust is without borders" and we can't see an end in sight,
when "oceans rise,"  
may our soul rest in His embrace. 

Once we've been there with Him, we learn that we can trust Him the next time He calls us upon these waters. There in oceans deep, in the deepest waters, where His grace abounds, our faith is made stronger and we can see the purpose of that hour: the glory of God. 


Some days are harder than others.

The Walking Dead

I've tried on more than one occasion -(two is more than one)- to watch the show, The Walking Dead. The first time I attempted to watch, I caught a scene in which what was, I assume, a "Walker" stuck in a well. Someone attempts to pull him out, and well, let's just say, it didn't end well for the already dead guy. Things (a.k.a body parts) came apart and I turned the channel. The second try was just this week, but after about ten seconds of it, I found a "Friends" episode that was much more "lively" and entertaining. I looked at a few things on the website for the show. There's an app that you can get that takes your photo and shows what you would look like as a "walker." There's also a quiz you can take to see how long you'd survive a zombie apocalypse. I admit, I took it. (FYI I'd make it a week and a half.)

The Walking Dead. An oxymoron of sorts, unless you believe in these TV zombies.
But spiritually speaking, there's much truth in the title.

Scripture says in Ephesians 2:1-3-  "As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient.  All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts."

Kind of sounds like The Walking Dead, especially the part about the cravings of our flesh......at least from the little I read about it and saw on TV.

Before Christ comes in our lives, we are "Walkers" in one sense. One version of the passage above even speaks of how we walked habitually in our deadness because of sin.
When sin entered into this world, we became dead, and death became our inheritance. 

But there's good news. Ephesians 2:4 tells us "But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy,  made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved."

Romans 6:11-14- ^"In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.  Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires.  Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness.  For sin shall no longer be your master,  because you are not under the law, but under grace."

There's so much "good stuff" in those Romans verses, I just couldn't leave any out. 

So. We are dead in our sin. Walking Dead.

But by grace, through faith in Christ, we are dead to sin. Walking Dead.

Either way, we are Walking Dead. It just depends on what we are dead to or dead in. Those little prepositions change everything.

Today in class we were discussing space, and how you must have the proper equipment or you couldn't survive in space. Someone said "you'd die." Another student asked, "How much dead would you be?" I tried to get out of the morbidity of the conversation, but we did chuckle over his comment.

Dead is dead. There's not "kind of" or "sort of." D-E-A-D. Dead. 

We are all one or the other.

Brought from death to life. 

Or Brought from death to death.

Zombies walking among other zombies.

Christmas in a Box

Here it is. All packed up and ready for the attic for at least another 10-11 months. 

Well, except for the Tennessee room tree. I may let Jason handle that one. 

Our decorations have been up since the first of November. So I decided to tackle the majority of it while I was feeling a little better and out of school. Why is it always more fun setting up the tree than taking it down? Kind of like unpacking from vacation.

I cleared the greenery, lights and angels off of the piano, readying the space for what would go back in its place. Ornaments came off the tree, and were placed back in the boxes. Angels, wise men, and baby Jesus were wrapped carefully in tissue paper. Finally, lights were un-strung and artificial evergreen limbs were removed from their holders only to be placed back in its cardboard casket until next November.

And this is what you and I do. 

Put Christmas back in a box.

For maybe two months at the most, we decorate, we carol, we celebrate, we eat, we buy, we wrap, we give. And then it's over. On to making New Year's Resolutions, only to be broken within three weeks, and thats if we are really dedicated. 

Just like the Santa's and snowmen, but most importantly, Baby Jesus, we've put it all away in the attic, forgetting what we were celebrating just weeks before. 

I am guilty. 

Am I alone?

I discussed (almost argued) with someone a few weeks before Christmas about gifts. Their defense was that "Christmas isn't about gifts. We've gotten away from what the true meaning of Christmas is all about." I wanted to say, "And what is the true meaning of Christmas, because I sure don't see you living it."

Whoa. (And who just put Christmas in a box?) 

Yeah, that would be me.

I dare say that once Christmas is over, we tend to forget about that gift, and what the true meaning is. In December we said, 

"Jesus is the reason for the season." 

But isn't He the reason for EVERY season? YES!

Christmas is about gifts, because we celebrate the Ultimate Gift! 

 Now that my tree is down, and the decorations are gone, the room looks kind of empty. That is just how we feel when we put Jesus in a box in the attic of our hearts. Empty. 

We enjoy Him for a season, but soon remove Him and replace Him with things we like better. However, instead of leaving it empty, the pictures and Willow tree angels take their rightful place back on the piano. Just like all the things that fill the empty places of our lives. 

Jesus doesn't want to be put in a box. Christmas doesn't have to be put in a box either.

We can choose to celebrate year round. For without Him, and the gift that He brought to us in Himself, we will be left empty.

I've kept out a couple of small Nativity scenes. One is a candle holder; one just Joseph, Mary and Jesus. I also have kept out a cross ornament that says Hope.

I do not want Christmas in a box in my attic. I want it everyday. 

And guess what? 

In Christ, I can have it that way.

"For to us a child is born, unto us a son is given,
    and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called
    Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

Isaiah 9:6

He can be all that in our lives everyday,

if we don't put Him in a box.

I guess it all goes back to that whole "walking in Truth" thing, huh?

Walking in Truth

She gets it from me.

A month or so ago, I was trying once again to help my daughter clean her room. To say it was a mess is an understatement. I am not an OCD person, but I seriously think my blood pressure goes up each time I embark on this endeavor of cleaning. I usually find lots of crumbled up paper. Sometimes there are things from outdoors- rocks, wood, grass. Dirty clothes are often found under the covers, at the foot of the bed, or just under the bed. Crackers, pizza, and candy have been left lying around. Sometimes things are hidden under her pillows or under the rug in her room. I usually get to a point where I've had all I can take, and leave her with a garbage bag- or two. 

It was just a few days later, when I was looking for my Charlie Brown Christmas shirt (and it was not in the drawer that I thought it should be), when the Lord clearly said and in my head I repeated back to Him, "Oh, Lord. She gets it from me." Now this was just a minor infraction on my part. I had simply let my drawers become "unorganized." Much like my closet, my cabinets, my "junk drawer." 

The voice really spoke loud and clear when I was trying to clean up for the Sunday School teacher Christmas party at our house. We had been busy up until the day of the party, so as I raced home after school, I busied myself with the cleaning, thankful that Jason had done the cooking. 
As I got to the last minute details-(you know, lighting the candles, making the last run-through with the broom, wiping down the countertops), I noticed a basket that sits on the hearth by our door. It had become a "junk basket." Doesn't everyone have one of those?

So what did I do? I found a quilt, folded it neatly and placed it over the basket to conceal the contents inside.
Just like my daughter, I was just covering up my mess.

I pondered on these things for a few days. I thought about my life, her life, and those around me who (like me) were all good at covering up stuff and sweeping things under the rug. Things that, if revealed, might make us look messy. We want a certain "image," and to protect that image, we cover it with a blanket so no one sees what's really inside. However, the problem is that there are real issues, usually messy ones, which we try to hide. It's easier to just throw a quilt or rug over it. Another problem- we know what's under it. That was the first lesson God was teaching me.

The second: as I considered my organization skills, or the lack thereof, I wondered what else had I passed on to Presley. What am I teaching my children? What are we talking about when we sit at home, when we walk along, when we lie down and get up? What spiritual, Biblical truths are written on the door frames of my home and heart that my children are seeing daily? (Deu. 11:19-20)

As we approach yet another "New Year," the answer lies within a traditional present Jason's mom gives us at Christmas. For the past several years, she has given us something with a word that was meaningful to the family for that year. Some have been the Ebenezer stone, Help, Hope, Healer, Content.
This years was Courageous and Walk in Truth.

The two go hand in hand. It takes courage to walk in Truth. Certainly, we know that we may stand alone when walking in Truth, because the Word tells us that narrow is the Way that leads to life, and few find it. (Matt. 7:14)
To walk in Truth also means I have to lift up the rug, remove the blanket. That takes courage, because then our mess may be seen by others. 

I pray it's not a New Year's Resolution, but a "New Day's Resolution." That everyday, I resolve to be Courageous and Walk in Truth.

I'm thankful that I have a Father who will come into my messy rooms, lift up the rug if I let Him, and sweep away the filth. I pray as I walk in the Truth of His grace, love and forgiveness, His light will shine upon my own children, and they too will daily walk in His Truth. More than anything, that is what I want passed on to them.

He Knows My Name

Jennifer Lynn Brock- the name picked for me before I was born. Most parents have those names picked out long before their child enters the world. 
As I grew, I acquired more names. Soon I became Jenny, which a lot of my family still calls me today. Before long, though, my daddy gave me a nickname. First, it was Sissy. Through the years, he found other names for me: Meaty, which led to Fat Meat-(no, he wasn't being mean- I was as skinny as a bean pole when I was little! I just liked to eat meat all the time and no vegetables.....that's another story!) Then while Sissy was used often, he also would call me Patricia, or Patty. Where he got these names, I don't know! My younger brother became Tom. Even some of the guys I dated had nicknames, although they never knew that! Now, all of the grandchildren have other aliases as well!! There's Thump, Stump, Smooth, Jo and Short-stop. 
Sissy stuck for me, and it's the one he uses most of the time. A few of my uncles called me Sissy growing up, but it really only sounds "right" when coming from my daddy. 

As believers, we are given new names through our faith in Christ:

Isaiah 62:2b-3 -  ...you will be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will bestow.
You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God.

However, here lately, the enemy has whispered other titles and names over me. Names like Failure, No Good, Unable, Inadequate, Unloved. Did I mention Failure? The voices are loud, and easy to believe sometimes. I think it's because we are in a battle not of flesh and blood but against the principalities and rulers of this world. We forget that.

In  Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts' character says this line at the end of the movie: "I want the fairy-tale."
We too want that "happily ever after" life. But we forget that in every fairy tale, there is an evil villain. Such is the case in our lives, a very real enemy that seeks to destroy us. One way he does that is by blinding us and filling our minds with lies. Lies- it has been his strategy from the beginning. So while he whispers those "nicknames" over me and to me, I search for those things that my Daddy calls me. 
Here's what I found:
I am loved. Eph.2:4
I am His workmanship. Eph. 2:10
I am a citizen of Heaven. Phil. 3:20
I am reconciled, free from accusation. Col. 1:22
I am FORGIVEN. Col. 2:13b
I am chosen, dearly loved. Col. 3:12
I am cared for. 2 Peter 5:7
I am valuable. Luke 12:24
I was rejoiced over. Luke 15:10
I am more than a conquerer. Rom. 8:37
I am a child of God. John 15:16
I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Ps. 139:14
I have a purpose. Jer. 29:11
I am thought about by God. Ps. 139:17
I am set free. Rom. 6:18
I am healed. Ex. 15:26
I am sustained. Ps. 3:5

There are so many more. 
We can use these verses to encourage others, to tell them who they are in Christ. We can read them ourselves, bringing us to the realization of how much God really does love us. We then hear his voice giving us these names that He chose for us, and it sounds "right" coming from our Daddy, and no one else- but at the same time reminds me of one more thing I found while reading.
I am not my own. I was bought with a price.
1 Cor. 6:19

When reminded of that, I am humbled. I am grateful for my Father and all the ways He has shown His love to me. This brings me back to the issue of the enemy in our "fairy-tale." When I believe those lies, then I am giving the enemy rule and reign over that part of my life. I am not bringing the Lord any glory in the situation. Instead I am too busy focused on those names which the villain has called me instead of what God had already chosen to name me before I was born.
And when I listen to the enemy, I forget about that price that I was bought with- a sacrifice that allows me to be called all those things on that list, and more.
Because of that sacrifice, He can tell us this:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name, you are mine." Isaiah 43:1b

Thankful and humbled that He knows my name. 

In the Waiting

I've had two baths since June. Well, maybe three. 

We decided the week we were leaving for family vacation (in June) to tear out one of our bathrooms. I posted in July of how that was going, upon our return from Haiti. After school started, and life got in the way, I haven't had much time to blog. So I don't have updated pictures along the way, but tonight it looks like this:

Yes, that is a sheet hanging over the window. The blind didn't make it through the construction, or either it was broken already- I can't remember.
No, there's no shower curtain yet- still working on the shower.

No, there is no faucet. After the tile got put in, the pipe "got shorter." So, we still have to get that fixed.

However, it is bathe-able. :) So, I got a bath tonight!
Woo!!Hoo!!!!
As I was soaking it all in, I thought about this waiting process that has taken place the past 5 months. 
THANKFULLY, we do have another bathroom. It's in our bedroom, and has a shower, toilet and sink. For most of the past 5 months, all that was usable in the renovated bath was a sink. At least the kids could brush their teeth in there! 
But during this "waiting," I realized tonight lessons that could be learned. Not ones I really realized at the time- which is true of most life lessons. We learn after the fact.
I saw that I could be (and most of the time tried to be) thankful for what I did have, rather than did not have. I REALLY enjoy a hot bath! But especially having the Haiti trip in the midst of this renovation, I could choose to be grateful for having a bathroom at all.
In the times of waiting, I understand that it is very hard to be thankful for what we already have, when our heart is set on that which we long for. Trust me, I've been there. 

I also realized that because we were ALL only using our master bathroom, when laundry was done, the cabinet always had a full supply of towels. Normally, we split them between the two bathrooms. Having limited storage space, the cabinet would seem over-flowing.
In the waiting moments, God will give us an overflowing supply of just what we need from Him. Just as He did for the Israelites in the desert when He provided manna for EVERY day, He will also give us His sufficient grace for our every need. We just have to be aware of it.

Another thing that only occurred to me tonight was that I only had one bathroom to clean! You would think that one would have been obvious! Maybe it's due to the fact that I've hardly had the time or energy to clean, period! Either way, it possibly gave me a little bit of time to devote to something else. Ok, it could have done that, if I would have just taken advantage of it!!
When we are in the waiting, if we can turn our focus to other tasks or opportunities that God gives us, it can keep our minds off of that thing that, again, our heart is set on.

I know many are struggling in the waiting. I've heard testimony of those waiting for a baby or those waiting for jobs. I know what it is to wait for the pain to subside. I'm still waiting to hear from the publisher. I remember waiting for my "prince charming," thinking he didn't even exist at times and that I would end up being a Baptist nun! 
I hope I've not minimized any of those things for which your heart longs, while you find yourself in the waiting.
But while you are there, in that place that sometimes seems lonely and deserted, think on this:

If you can't read it, it says, "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength..."

Isaiah 40:31

This hangs in our newly painted bathroom.

I've heard many sermons on this passage, and from what I remember, it is explained like this. While it is a time of waiting, it is also like one who "waits" on you at a restaurant. One who serves. So as you wait for whatever it is, wait upon the Lord. Find those places to serve. Find -and thank Him for- those things that He has blessed you with, in spite of that for which you wait. Seek those opportunities, that because you don't have that thing right now that you are waiting on, God has given you something to do while you wait. Something that you couldn't do otherwise, if you had that heart's desire right now.

And if He does bless you with it, it may come in a different form that what you thought. It may not be perfect (like my faucet right now!) But know that He will still make it work, and you can soak in His grace.

Grace that you now see was there.....

....in the waiting.