Divine Appointments

"Anyone who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." James 4:17

I have to confess that there have been many times when I felt the Lord pressing on me to do something, but I didn't. I walk away in those times wondering "What if........if I had just obeyed."

Tonight was one of the times I think I did listen. I don't say that to boast, not AT ALL. But I say it to tell this story, and give glory to God. I pray you see Him lifted up in it.

I went to the hospital today to see my Uncle Roger, who was injured in the tornado last week in Smithville. He was found is a muddy field last Wednesday, not long after the storm came thru. Today he was admitted to the ICU. Please continue to be in prayer for him and my family.

As I sat there, I noticed a lady sitting alone. I asked my cousin if she was with them, and she was not. As time went on, my dad asked her if she had family there. She said yes, that her father-in-law was killed in the tornado, and her mother-in-law was there in ICU. The room was silent for a few seconds when everyone heard her tell of their loss. A while later, her children and husband came in. I found out he was an only child, and was trying to make arrangements for his father's funeral, as well as clean up the debris and missing things from his parents house. When I first saw the lady sitting alone, my heart went out to her. Here we had a ROOM FULL of family and friends and she had no one, apart from 2-3 people that came and went. I then felt God softly say, "You need to go pray with her." I thought, what will my family think.....I don't know her........I don't want to intrude.......All the excuses......

My mom talked briefly to her after they had returned from seeing her mother-in-law. Her mother-in-law had many, many broken bones and cuts.

As we were about to get ready to leave, I leaned over to my daddy and said, "Can we go pray with them? I just feel like we need to." So we did. My daddy lead the prayer.

After that, I went over to pray with my own family, and daddy kept talking to this family. As I was done, my dad went to introduce this family to my Aunt Pam. As it "just so happened", this man was the man who found my uncle!! UNBELIEVABLE! He left Uncle Rod with another man, while he went on to search for his own parents, hearing his mom screaming, and then finding his own father, who never made it to the hospital. My aunt broke down crying, because she had no idea who had found her husband. She had wondered this for these past few days. My dad would have not struck up this conversation with this man had we not prayed with them, I don't think. It was just a God thing.

Another man was in the waiting area, and he was all cut up. I imagine he was a survivor of the storm. I am such an emotional person, and the sorrow in a room like that is hard to take sometimes. The reality of the storm hit home, even more so. My heart goes out to these affected by last weeks storms. It's so easy to stay in our little circles, and forget all the hurt around us. I pray when God prompts me to move, I will be obedient always.

Please pray for the Cox family, and my family, the Curry's.

Little Red Riding Hood (spoiler warning!)

I love movies. I love movies that keep you guessing until the end! This was one of those. However, my first guess of who the "BIG BAD WOLF" was ended up being correct! The writers did a good job of making you think it could have been any one of the main characters, even Granny.

After I pegged the dad to be the the wolf, the twists and turns kept bringing doubt. Maybe it was Peter, the handsome lover of Valerie. That would have been more true to life, spiritually. Satan, who seems lovely to the eye and disguises himself as an angel of light, does use his charm to try to woo us.

Or, at times it seemed to be Henry, the one Valerie had been arranged to marry.

But, in the end, it was her father. The evil one was among them the whole time, yet no one in the village suspected it. He sought revenge on his community because he felt betrayed by his wife, who's heart really belonged to another. Valerie's father wanted not to take her life, but in essence, to take her soul, making her like him. If she'd let him bite her, then she too could become like him. In the end, Peter came to her rescue, but not without consequence. He was bitten, and left her until he could learn to control the power within him.

As I was watching, I was reminded of a Ted Dekker book, Emmanuel's Veins. It's similar, but with much more of a spiritual application, only using vampires instead of werewolves.

Even so, I was reminded of the evil one that lurks around us. Sometimes he does come in the form of something that seems so beautiful and harmless. At other times, I think he is around us and we don't even realize it. Even though he cannot touch our souls, I know he is busy doing whatever he can to attack us, to distract us, to keep us from doing the opposite of what God would have us do. As Beth Moore said in a previous study, we can't choose to be in the war but we can choose if we're going to be a warrior or not.

So put on your red cloak, carrying the blood of the Lamb that now runs through our veins. You will walk thru the deep, dark woods; you will climb steep mountains. In the end, we will overcome by the blood of the Lamb. (Rev. 12:11)

"When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall." Psalms 27:2

The Date Debate

So, Presley and I were driving back from Olive Branch, listening to a little Taylor Swift. "Fifteen" came on, and she let me know she would be 15 in only 8 years (really, 7 but I'll take 8!) We weren't really debating could she date. Ryan Fontenot said once that if you were not responsible enough to keep your room clean, you weren't responsible enough to date. So, if that's the case, Presley probably won't be dating till she's 30.

Anyway, listening to Taylor got me to thinking- (I would have LOVED her if she'd been around when I was a teenager!)

The reason I would have liked her so much, is that I would have totally identified with her and most of her songs. As I was listening, I went back to when I was just fifteen, and would have probably cried myself to sleep listening to "White Horse." I wanted to be the princess and have the prince come in on the white horse. When I was 16, I thought he had, only to be left crying in the castle. Around 17, I might have been singing the one about either burning some pictures or telling him not to call after I'd figured out the lies. I could go on............

I remember making myself even more miserable after a 'break-up" by going and intentionally finding the love songs that would make me cry the hardest. I was a glutton for punishment! (Granted, I do love 80's music to this day, especially some Journey or Chicago!)

Of course I didn't realize it then, but now I see how low my self-esteem was and how much I thought I HAD to have a boyfriend to be something. At times, especially 8th-9th grade, it seemed all my friends did, but I felt like the ugly duckling, or ugly step-sister and would never find "wuv, twu wuv!"

Why I thought I needed to find true love at the age of 15, I don't know. Or even 16, 17 or 18.

I see so much of this in girls today. They are sometimes consumed with the idea of love, like I was. I don't think I really ever learned that I could be me, or who God would have wanted me to be without having all that drama. It sure wasn't necessary. Instead, it caused a lot of hurt and pain, mostly for me. Our high school principal, Mark Smith, use to tell us that we're just giving little pieces of our hearts away in dating around so much. I really didn't want to hear that, and remember one instance, refusing to. Even if you never give anything away physically, you still do damage emotionally.

So, I say all of this, to anyone who may be like I was. Save yourself in every way for the one God has for you for life. Give yourself instead, to HIM while you wait. He is the one who loves you more than you can possibly imagine.

I think I'll probably discourage Presley from listening to Taylor- and maybe we won't get to cleaning her room over spring break!

Further Still.........

So, it's been awhile, again. I should be doing school work or getting a head start on spring cleaning.....

I can't seem to get away from the past 3 weeks of our David Bible study. Guess that's a good thing, huh?

I'll start with last weeks, and maybe I'll eventually get around to the others!

Last week's video came after we'd just found out Jonathan died. (Jonathan as in David's friend, not anyone I know personally!!) I have to say, I was a little teary eyed after reading that passage. I mean, I knew it was coming- just an emotional week I guess!

Anyway- The video was about going Further still with God. Beth gave 5 ways to know if this season you are in is one where you are being called to go "further still?"

Here are those five ways:

1. Further still....when you are overwhelmed with sorrow.

2. Further still....when you desperately need to wrestle with the will of God.

3. Further still....when nobody else gets it.

4. Further still....when the most serious matters of your life need settling.

5. Further still....when life can't be the same but the pain can bring gain.

Can we go further still without having these prerequisites? I asked our group and they pretty much agreed that no, you couldn't. I could not help but apply each of these to our season with Pruitt. I felt each of these things. Especially #1, #2, and the first part of #5. Under point #1, she mentioned that the word for overwhelmed in Matt. 26:38 meant "grieved all around." "It suggests a sorrow so deep it almost kills."

Under #2, in struggling with the will of God, she talked about the fact that God does not say no lightly. The text was Jesus in the Garden of Gesthemene, and Jesus praying for the cup to pass. God's no to Jesus was salvation for us. When we ask to "let this cup pass from me" sometimes God's answer may be no. It was for us. I did not want to drink from that cup of suffering. But God said "No." Under #5, she mentioned that God does not do things on a whim-if there is such pain, then there is a greater "yes." Again, if no is the answer He has, then there is a greater reason for that, and ultimately a greater purpose, your purpose, my purpose, that would not be possible had that cup not been given to you, to me.

I know that had we not gone through the things we did, I would not have seen a working of God that I did. No, we did not get a miracle, at least not in the world's eyes. But, we did-we got time with our precious baby boy that doctor's said at first would never even happen. He did things they thought he would never do. The list goes on and on.............

The further still part? Well, like I said, I do think I went further still to a place in which there was no other way to get there. Sometimes, I even long to go back to that "place." No, not to the circumstances which caused the pain, or even to the pain, itself, but just to that holy, sovereign place with the Lord. It really is indescribable, unless you've been.

That's not to say that I always went "further still." I think we can be at any one of the five places mentioned above, and easily NOT go further. It is a choice we have. I always said I want to make the right choice with this, (even now), to glorify God in it, and in doing so, honor Pruitt's life. But I KNOW (because of those other 2 studies!!, for one reason!) that I have not always made that choice. There have been days I've been mad, asked "why me?", and let the sorrow overtake me. There have been times when I say "they DON'T understand" and I turn #3 into a pity party. There are times when I feel like the matters (#4) of my life have been settled, only to dig it back up again, and start over with the wrestling. I think it is an ongoing battle sometimes.

Either way, I have gone further still, and sometimes I've made the choice to stop in my tracks on the course God has for me.

I pray that more often than not, I will be found pressing on, running the race, and in the process, discover exactly what God's purpose is for me- even when life can never be the same as it once was.

Being Held,

Jenn

My Top Ten List

I have always been a fan of countdowns. I can remember sitting in the "heater room" at my Nanny and Papaw's with my cousins or listening to the top 100 songs of the year, recording my favorites, or the top 40 countdown while playing Monopoly with my brother. Right now on my DVR you will find the top 40 country songs of the decade.

So, as we are at the end of a decade, I decided to make a "Top 10 List" from 2000-2010. It is hard to put them in order of importance, aside from the last 3 but I'll have to say all have been some sort of event that has changed or molded my life in some way. So, here goes:

10. In 2001, by faith I finished out the year, and quit my first job as a teacher. We were truly stepping out on faith that we could make it on Jason's salary but I was so thankful and blessed to be able to stay home with Peyton and just work part-time. God provided!

9. Throughout 2001-02, I was enjoying my time with Peyton but Jason's schedule was one that kept him away a lot. As the schedules conflicted, and all that comes with being a new mom unfolded, I began to get very discouraged and just found myself being discontent. God placed Melanye in my life, at first as a mentor, but she has grown to become a very dear friend.

8. 2003 - We sold our house, quit our jobs and moved in with Jason's parents. (and I was pregnant!) We both went to work at DAC, and stayed with my in-laws for 7 months. It was a huge learning time for me to wait on God's timing and again, His provision, and a special time for preparation of what was next.

7. Illinois - 2003-2007- There's too much to write about these years in our lives, but when you move that far away from everything you've ever known, it causes you to appreciate what you have and totally depend on each other and the Lord.

6. Nashville- Ok, this one may seem silly, but over this past decade, Nashville has become one of our favorite cities. (However, we don't get to too many other cities,so maybe it wins by default!) Either way, we have been able to take many trips there, some for fun, some for Youth Minister conferences, but always enjoy a refreshing time away, and I also got to reconnect with a long, lost friend there!!! Love you, Amy!

5. Donya- I have no doubt that God planned for two southern girls to be in Illinois at the same time. Donya has been a friend who was there at the worst moment of my life. I cannot even put into words what she means to me other than saying that God sent her there, and knew that she'd be there to walk with me thru the sunshine and the rain. I love you, my friend. We'll always find something to celebrate!

4. 2008 & 2010 - Ecuador: I was able to take my first mission trip out of the country in 2008. I overcame my fear of flying!! What a life changing event! Unless you've been, you cannot describe it. I was able to go back this past year and will never forget this experience. I hope to get to go back!!

3. Over the past 10 years, God has slowly worked in me in spite of myself and allowed me to lead ( I prefer the word facilitate) several Bible studies. It started at Trinity when I SO did not feel like I should be leading those awesome college students; Then I had such a sweet, vivacious, and crazy Bible study group in Chatham, that I miss so much!! Now, here, I am still "facilitating" groups here, and God constantly slaps me in the face with each one we do!!

2. I count it an honor and privilege to be able to minister along side Jason. I know not everyone gets to do what we do, and we have so many "spiritual" children that we've been able to watch grow up. It is a blessing to be able to serve in the places that we've been in. I am grateful for each one and each person we've met along the way.

1. Probably the number one thing of this past 10 years is the birth of our three children. Peyton, 2000; Presley, 2003; Pruitt, 2005. I am blessed and pray I never take that for granted. My lifelong dream was to be a wife and mother, and I am so thankful that God has graciously answered that prayer. Each one of our children have a story of their own. Peyton, our little man- I can't believe he is 10 years old. He gave his heart to Jesus this year. What a praise! Presley, our sweet girl- to know her is to love her! She has such a big heart, and constantly makes us laugh. I can't wait to see how God uses her. Our baby Pruitt- his story is another whole list in itself. The things God did and continues to do thru him amazes me. I look forward to see how God will work in all three over the years to come.

"I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."

Psalms 16:2

Where is the Hope?

Hope. It's been a word that has become more special to me over the past 5 years. It began when I found it in Lamentations 3:21- "This I call to mind and therefore I have HOPE." Then again in Romans 15:13, a verse that God gave Jason's mom- "May the God of HOPE fill you with all joy and peace....."

Since then, I usually get Jason's mom something for Christmas with hope written on it, and she does for me as well.

I'm learning that even though we have that hope, we must do what is says in Lamentations: call to mind, remember, set our minds to it. It's like having electricity but not flipping the switch. We know it's there, but we must turn it on.

Over the past few days, many situations, personally and that of others, have come to mind. Where is the hope in these things?

-A little empty stocking hanging with the rest, that won't be filled.

-A family whose loved one was killed in war, will gather without him this year.

- A mother who lost her son this year, and his birthday was Christmas day.

- A broken crib that lay on the side of the road, never to be used again.

- A couple who both lost their fathers this past year.

- A mother whose divorce was final now has to split the holiday time with her ex.

- A young bride wanting a child of her own, who masks the tears with a smile when she faces others with babies

-A family whose baby is buried six feet away from Pruitt, who will face the one year anniversary of his birth/death this next week

I'm sure the list could go on and on. "It's a sharp knife of a short life" as one song says. All seem like hopeless situations and they are, if we focus on the circumstance itself. It's very easy to do, especially when it feels like that "sharp knife" just twists deeper in your heart. Sometimes just when you think the knife is gone, something happens and you feel the pain all over again. For some reason, it seems easier to focus on the storm than the one who calms the storm. I don't really know why that is but I have found that I probably do the former more than the latter. I find myself comparing my situation to that of others and still asking, "Why me?" It is in those times that I must "call to mind" the grace of God and "therefore have HOPE."

Sometimes I feel as though I look at these things as those who have no hope, but I'm reminded of the verse that says we do not grieve as those who have no HOPE. We have hope in seeing them again one day because of the resurrection of our Lord Jesus. It is not the word hope we use when we say, "Oh, I hope it doesn't rain today." Or "I hope my team wins the game." Rather, it is HOPE that we are sure of, the Hope of glory.

So, as I look around my house, I find the word HOPE in almost every room. I wear it, I see it, I will claim it. "Yet this I call to mind, and therefore have HOPE; The Lord's love never ends; his mercies never stop. They are new every morning; Lord your loyalty is great. I say to myself, "The Lord is mine, so I HOPE in him. The Lord is good to those who HOPE in him to those who seek him." Lamentations 3:19-25.

It's been awhile.......

Well, it's been almost 2 months! Let's just say I've been a little bit busy.

We're on a new Bible study about Jonah and divine interruptions that God allows in our lives. For Jonah, the interruption came with the call to go; as we know, Jonah disobeyed the divine, and we see where that got him!

I've been considering my own divine interruptions thru this study. I can't help but always go back to our time with Pruitt. I don't consider him an interruption, but our life's course was definitely altered.

Some points in the study have been: 1."God sometimes calls us to where we don't want to go." 2."What we know about Jonah only comes after the interruption." 3."How many things hinge on us surrendering?" There were definitely times when I did not want to go or do the things God was/is asking me to do. Sometimes it seems much easier to run. It is hard to want to compare yourself to Jonah in that way, though. We always think of the fish as his punishment, but it was brought out in the study that it was really God's way of protecting him and offering him another chance to join God in His purpose for Jonah. I can see how God has done that and still does that for me. What hinges on me surrendering? I think we would be astounded sometimes if we knew what God could and wanted to accomplish out of our divine interruption. I say that I'm still waiting to see "all things work together for good" but when I'm not fully surrendered, then maybe I am not able to see it.

That brings me to today's lesson, and it is the sustaining grace of God that helps us through those overwhelming interruptions. It was that grace that allowed Jonah to take those steps toward Ninevah, and it is the same grace that I can choose to walk in. Once he had made up his mind to go, God was faithful to walk with him.

2 Corinthians 12:9 - "My grace is sufficient for you.." It is ENOUGH.

I was asked about Pruitt today, the first time in quite a while. I really didn't even know that the one asking knew anything about him. But as I shared his story, I was reminded of how God's grace is written all over it. I am thankful for that sustaining grace!

As if God were confirming that He still knows, He still cares, He's still there, still misting me with grace.........as I pulled in the driveway this afternoon, after sharing Pruitt's story, "Held" came on the radio. That's just like our God- isn't He good?

Being Held,

Jenn